April Fool's

You pick up the receiver at work to answer a call to your business, and find no answer. The phone line sounds like it is dead in fact. And yet even though you answered the call, the phone just keeps on ringing. Then you finally notice it...someone has taped down the 'plunger' on your telephone's main box. When you picked up the handset to answer, the plunger stayed down, so you were in fact talking to no one when you answered the call. April Fool's! Someone just got you with one of the oldest office pranks in the world. Today is that day, April Fools Day, and all around the world there are people playing practical jokes on one another. The exact origins of this day are unclear, but there are a few stories that make sense down through history. One traces all the way back to the Biblical story of Noah, when after the flood he sent a raven off in search of dry land too early. Tradition says that he did this on the first day of the Hebrew month corresponding with April. Another story traces it's origin back to the 16th century and King Charles IX of France, who changed the beginning of the year there from April 1st to January 1st. Those who continued to celebrate the old April 1st date were called 'April Fools'. A similar story comes again from that 16th century and the adoption of the Gregorian calendar, which replaced the centuries-old Julian calendar as the still utilized standard around the world, and referred to those who continued to follow that Julian calendar as 'April Fools'. Also, many pre-Christian cultures are said to have celebrated May 1st, or 'May Day', as the first day of the summer planting season. Those who jumped the gun and planted in April were called 'April Fools'. There have been some well-known public April Fools jokes played over the years on a large scale. One in 1996 had the folks at Taco Ball claiming that they had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it the 'Taco Liberty Bell'. White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the purchase in a press conference, and dead-panned that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold and renamed the 'Lincoln Mercury Memorial'. Not to be outdone by their fast-food rivals, Burger King revealed in 1998 the 'left-handed Whopper', which was designed that the condiments would drip out of the right side. The campaign was so sincere that day that people actually ordered the product at many stores, and some others even specified that they wanted the old 'right-hand Whopper' instead. That same year of 1998, radio DJ's Opie & Anthony were on the air in Boston, and issued an alert that Boston mayor Thomas Menino had been killed in a tragic car accident. The rumor spread like wildfire and was excacerbated by the fact that Menino was on a plane flight and could not be reached. The pair was fired in the aftermath as numerous news stations had to issue alerts regarding the hoax. In the 1950's, Dutch television news reported that the 'Leaning Tower of Pisa' had finally fallen over, and the station was bombarded with telephone calls for more information. In 1957, early gullible television viewers in Britain bombarded the BBC with calls after a program showing the harvesting of spaghetti from trees, wondering how these trees could be purchased. In 2003, the producers of the television game show 'Hollywood Squares' played a prank on host Tom Bergeron by inserting two actors as the contestants, and instructing them to be 'difficult'. The actors proceeded to give horrid answers and act in otherwise annoying fashion. One of the most famous modern April Fools jokes was perpetrated by Sports Illustrated and legendary writer George Plimpton, who penned a 1985 article about a young New York Mets pitching prospect named Sid Finch who possessed a fastball that had been clocked at 168 miles per hour, and who had pinpoint accuracy. On the web in 2003, numerous Chinese and South Korean sites ran with a story that claimed CNN was reporting the assassination of Microsoft founder Bill Gates, which resulted in a 1.5% drop in the Korean stock markets. In 2005, the official NASA website had a link to what they said was a photo that revealed 'water on mars'. When visitors clicked on the link, it took them to a picture of a glass of water sitting atop a Mars candy bar. Whether it is done the old fashioned way in person, or over the phone, or on television or radio, or here on the internet, April Fools Day remains a favored day in the hearts of pranksters everywhere. Watch out, because today you never know from where the next one may come. NOTE: The title of this post is as always a link to more information, this time to the Sid Finch story, which still reads incredibly well today.

I Won the Powerball Grand Prize Jackpot !

...now what do I do next? We've all had the dream, haven't we? We hit the Powerball lottery jackpot, or whatever major lottery might be held in your area. Last night's Powerball drawing in our area was worth $105 million dollars. No one won the big jackpot by matching all five numbers and the Powerball, and so now the jackpot will rise once again for Saturday night's drawing. It will likely be in the $120 million neighborhood. That's quite a nice neighborhood. So it always results in our setting aside a few bucks for a few tickets and thus a few chances at the dream.

I am quite sure that anyone reading this has had the dream: what would I do if I hit a huge lottery drawing? Well, first let's address the practical. MSN Money did a piece on this very situation recently, so let's cover their advice. After jumping up and down and screaming and crying and hugging everyone in sight, remember this quickly: do not run outside and bang on your neighbors doors or yell in the street about your new fortune. In fact, do not pick up the phone and call all of your relatives either, even the close ones. The fact is that your life is about to change in a huge way, and you are going to need some time to digest it all and seek some good advice before releasing this good news to the world.

Your first job is now to keep that ticket safe. You must find a place that it simply cannot be destroyed, damaged, or lost. The safe deposit box at your bank is a great spot, but make sure that someone you love and trust has access in case something happens to you before you can cash it. Remember the song 'Ironic' by Alannis Morissette? "..he won the lottery, then died the next day..isn't it ironic?" No, Alannis, that's not ironic. It's a freakin' tragedy of the first magnitude. But back to the situation at hand.

You secured your ticket in some way that has you comfortable. The second situation that you need to address is your job, assuming you have one. If so, you need to get some time off without letting them in on your little jackpot just yet. Vacation time, call in sick for a few days, whatever. You will likely quit at some point, but right now is not that time. Get that time off, clear the decks of your personal and professional schedule, you are going to need that time in the coming days and weeks.

Now that you have the ticket safe and some time off, get to work on securing your three new best buddies: an accountant, a lawyer, and a broker that you can trust - preferably three different people/firms. The best way to go about this, assuming you don't already work with any of these for your personal matters, is to seek references.

Many of us know people in the financial and legal industries. Call them and tell them that you need some advice for a little money that you are coming in to, and ask them for a reference. Your bottom line is that you want to end up dealing with major public firms and companies with individuals that you feel secure in trusting. Going around and talking to people at these firms, basically your interviewing of them and asking how they would help if you did business with them, is why you got that time off from work. That is your job over the next week or so, setting those meetings and making those decisions.

Now, let's assume that you are taking the 'lump sum' option for your winnings rather than the 'annual payment' option. You usually have to make this choice when buying your ticket. You should know that you will not be receiving the amount advertised by the lottery commission. First of all, if you take the 'lump sum' as most do, that cash payout is almost half of the overall jackpot. Then you have your favorite uncle, 'Uncle Sam', coming in for his slice in taxes.

So for instance if you were to win a $120 million dollar lottery, your cash payout would probably be about $70 million. Then your good uncle would take about $30 million more before you see a penny. In the end, your $120 million dollar jackpot ticket will be worth about $35-40 million to you in reality. Certainly not chump change. Your financial advisers are going to take a slice for their advice. One of the things that will happen is that you will have a special account setup by your financial adviser.

Of course as all of this is put in motion, you will be making a trip to the lottery commission headquarters to cash-in your ticket. Lotteries demand that you turn in those tickets in person if the win is for over $50,000 bucks. So you need to travel to Harrisburg, or whatever location is the HQ for your commission. You can do this by limo, airplane, or that new car you just bought, because you can afford it. You might as well make it a celebratory trip, just stay straight and sober.

The lottery commission will closely check over your ticket, hopefully verify your win, and then try to cajole you into taking one of those 'winners' pictures. You know, the one where you are holding the giant replica check that says your name and $120,000,000 on it? If you can avoid it, don't do it. Why put your mug out there for every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Al Capone to see? Besides, you and I both know that you actually only won about $40 mill. The lottery commission legally has to release your winner information, but you don't have to do it via press conference.

So now you actually have the money. The lottery has verified your ticket, and wired the winnings to your special account. Now is the time to quit those jobs in the nicest way possible. The thing that you want to be sure of with your financial people is that they understand that they work for you. They can and should give good advice, but in the end they should understand that when you want to do something reasonable with it, their answer should never be that you can't do it, only figuring out how it can be done best.

Assuming there are others in your immediate life, especially a spouse, then you should have already been well into the process of talking through this situation. The single most important thing that you can agree upon is this: money isn't everything, and it most certainly is not going to change your relationship. If you would have stayed married poor, or struggling, or middle class, then you should stay married rich. Marriage is not something to be thrown away over money.

The fact is that you should already realize that you answer to a higher authority in God, and He is not going anywhere. You cannot buy Him off. Despite the popular saying, no one has more money than God. Whether you are as rich as Bill Gates, or the poorest peasant in Southeast Asia, you are going to die some day, and if you are rich it is a fact that you can't take it with you.

Remember what Christ said: "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven." This wasn't meant to say that no wealthy people reach Him in eternity, but was a warning not to put all of your faith in money. Your decisions now are more important than they were before. Love your spouse and children, and make sure that they are number one in being taken care of emotionally as well as financially from here on out.

It is fully appropriate to reach around now to your close family members and help them out. Paying off mortgages and debt of your own and those you love is a great way to say "thanks for all your were when I was not wealthy." But the fact is also going to be that you will have to establish limits, and these will have to be things that you agree on with your family.

Finally a last practical measure. Change your phone number. You may wish to start getting this done via cellphone on your ride to the lottery commission. Your new number should be unlisted, and only given out to your closest family and friends. Anything public of yours is about to be swamped with requests: phone numbers, email addresses, etc. This includes your mailbox at home. There is no possible way to cover every situation, but these are the basics.

The ultimate bottom line also is to make sure that you enjoy your $40 million. Get a nicer, reasonable home, maybe in a beachfront or mountain community. Get new cars for the family. Take a couple of magnificent, relaxing, enjoyable vacations. Buy season tickets to your favorite team. And also, find a way to include charity into your plans. Take care of your close family as best you can. Make charitable donations to groups and individuals that mean something to you.

If planned right, you should never have to work again, outside of managing your wealth and your life. God knows that I don't need it, that I have been blessed enough in life already. But it would be nice...it would be nice.