Bravo to Bristol

Get married? Why bother?

That's the prevailing attitude of an increasing number of couples who consider marriage, if at all, only after a child arrives. USA Today spotlights Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, and their toddler son Tripp, as symbols of the new trend: child first, marriage second. Recent data shows they have plenty of company: "A record four-in-10 births (41 percent) were to unmarried women in 2008, including most births to women in their early 20s."

Perhaps unintentionally, the best illustration of the growing confusion about marriage comes from another unmarried mom, Davie Melton, interviewed by USA Today. She's conflicted. On the one hand, as "a Christian, I believe you need to get married." On the other hand, marriage "is a piece of paper nowadays, and I don't think you necessarily need it to be a good family."

So, is marriage good for children and families, or not? Does it really matter whether Tripp's parents, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, get married?

In spite of the drama in Bristol Palin's young life, she knows that marriage matters. Bristol explained her reason for getting back together with Levi quite simply. "We were working on our relationship for Tripp." Her inclination to marry, while certainly intertwined with her feelings for Levi, is rooted in a basic truth: Children do best when they are raised by their married mother and father.

While I have no way of knowing whether Bristol and Levi's relationship will mature into a solid, committed marriage, I applaud their desire to give their son the benefit of being raised by married parents.

How to save your family from indifference towards marriage.

Like young Davie Melton, our culture delivers two contradictory messages about marriage. We know it's a good thing — the best way, in fact, to raise children. But when our own marriages struggle or our loved ones fail at marriage, it's easy to fall silent about the goodness that marriage brings. We pretend it really doesn't matter whether or not parents are married.

The research is clear, and we should say so. Married couples are healthier, happier, wealthier and live longer than divorced or single people. Even most unhappily married couples who stick it out (often because of the children) rediscover happiness within five years of their marital low point. Children raised by their married father and mother do better than children of divorced or never-married mothers on every measure of well-being. (See the Center for Marriage and Families or "The Case for Marriage" for research data.)

To help our children reject the lie that marriage is merely a piece of paper, irrelevant to raising a "good family," let's reaffirm our commitment to marriage itself, no matter how imperfectly we live it. Let's teach them that God really did know what he was doing when he designed families, starting with a lifelong marriage between one man and one woman.

Husbands and wives, show your children that your marriage matters: Make time for your spouse, and express gratitude for their commitment. Remind yourself of the good you have found in marriage; even difficult marriages may bring personal growth and the blessings of children. If you are in a rocky situation, get marriage counseling. I'm constantly amazed at how much time, work, effort and money people spend on perfecting and enjoying every endeavor under the sun — except their marriages. You can find great counselors at www.FamilyLife.com

Finally, if your own marriage has suffered the pain of divorce, don't give up. Stand firm behind the ideal of marriage, even as you strive to learn from your mistakes and transcend the unhappiness of the past.

And for Bristol, who "believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice," I offer my prayers and best wishes for a long, happy and committed marriage.

WRITTEN BY: Rebecca Hagelin with original article at The Washington Times available by clicking on the title of this posting

Something Rotten in America

One thing we can conclude from David Letterman's bad jokes about Sarah Palin: He hasn't flown commercial in a while.

Letterman's "slutty flight attendant" remark about Palin was in poor taste, we can all agree. But it was a joke and Letterman is a comedian. The joke probably would have been shrugged off and forgotten -- Palin proved her humorous good sportsmanship on "Saturday Night Live" during the campaign -- if not for Letterman's sexually suggestive "joke" about her daughter.

Everyone knows by now that Letterman made fun of the Palin family's trip to New York last week. He quipped that Palin's daughter got "knocked up" by Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez during the 7th inning. Unable to stop his slide into the gutter, he said the hardest part of the visit was keeping Eliot Spitzer away from her daughter.

Ba-da-bad. Alas, the only daughter with Palin was 14-year-old Willow.

Sorry, Dave, not funny. It was a joke according to stand-up formula -- take two disparate news items and combine them in an unexpected way. No one does this better than humor columnist Andy Borowitz, who has the blogosphere in a snit with his column suggesting that Newt Gingrich accused Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor of faking her broken ankle to get sympathy. It was a JOKE!

The flight attendant line is a grown-up joke that one may or may not think is funny -- though my guess is that many of the offended big brothers out there were happy to participate in the Palin-as-sexy-librarian fantasy. Fess up.

In any case, the joke was about an adult voluntarily in the public arena and, therefore, clearly of a different order than suggesting sexual relations between a child and a man. We call that rape. Letterman's sort-of apology fell short of fixing things. He didn't mean the 14-year-old daughter, he said. He meant the 18-year-old.

Sir, may I offer you a shovel? Or, perchance, a backhoe? Letterman was way off base and should apologize sincerely. But, please, may we stop there?

Calls for censorship or worse are far more dangerous to the land of the free than any inappropriate one-liner. John McCain -- ever the chivalrous warrior -- sallied forth with his own disapproving statement Thursday, saying: "They (the Palins) deserve some kind of protection from being the butt of late-night hosts."

They DO? Are we talking vigilantes -- or just good ol' government censorship?

No, the Palins don't deserve protection from late-night hosts. No one does. But children deserve protection from adults who have lost sight of their responsibility to be wardens of the innocent. And parents are the best guardians of their children. Keeping them out of the limelight seems a good starting point. And, no, I'm not suggesting that anyone "asked for it."

The Palin jokes, for lack of a better term, were merely the latest in a string of recent hostile treatments of women -- conservative women in particular. The Playboy magazine Web site listing conservative women whom men would like to have "hate" sex with was beyond the pale. The harsh treatment of poor Miss Runner-Up California when she expressed her opinion that marriage should be between a man and a woman was simply unfair.

Opinions don't get punished in this country. Period.

But we do have a problem, don't we? Simply put, the Zeitgeist has become mean and nasty, and we're at a loss as to how to fix it. Here's one thought: The Internet -- which, ironically, contributes to the problem -- may be the best solution possible.

Both gift and curse, the Internet has been so revolutionary and its gifts so immense that we've been like inmates in sudden possession of the keys. Instant access to a bullhorn and the world as one's stage has unleashed a monstrous id, that undisciplined, infant part of the human psyche that wants what it wants when it wants. Multiply that by billions and civilization is one harried nanny.

Thus, we have hate-sex Web pages and millions of others that degrade women, sexualize children and leave man- and womankind to their basest instincts. Such is the profoundly messy, sometimes frightening, part of free expression.

On the other hand, we also have the passionate voices of sensible Americans, who won't let a comedian get away with trivializing rape. Which suggests that the best defense against rude comics is not "some kind of protection," but the rallying cry of people who demand more from their society and themselves.

WRITTEN by Kathleen Parker at TownHall.com on June 14th, 2009

Grannie Hits a Granny

Soon-to-be grandmom Sarah Palin stepped to the podium last night at the Republican National Convention as Presidential nominee John McCain's prospective running mate. There was much on the line as the brunette beauty waved off a lengthy standing ovation that very much had the feel of a group protecting a member of it's own family. The chills were palpable as the crowd's applause and cheers continued on and on, and the strength and length of the crowd reaction to her appearance was obviously as much in support of the candidate having come under vicious, personal, liberal media attacks since being announced as for her actual candidacy. It is fairly obvious that the vast majority of the conservative wing of the Party is ecstatic about the pick of Sarah Palin as the Veep nominee due to her character and her positions on the key issues. It is just as obvious that the attacks on her and her family have touched that 'don't talk bout my _____ like that' nerve (fill in the blank with 'mother', 'sister', 'daughter', 'girlfriend', 'wife'...whichever most applies to you) with many, including yours truly. But then Palin began to speak, and proved over the course of the next 36 1/2 minutes that she is plenty tough enough to stand up for herself, to stand in the box and face the hardball's thrown at her from the other side and, as local radio talk show host Michael Smerconish said afterwards "hit a grand slam". The grannie hit a granny, and a new Republican political superstar was born. She began by accepting the nomination and acknowledging the tough campaign to come: "I accept the challenge of a tough fight in this election... against confident opponents ... at a crucial hour for our country." Her eldest son, Track Palin, will deploy to Iraq on September 11th of all dates, and she related to all the troops and their families: "I'm just one of many moms who'll say an extra prayer each night for our sons and daughters going into harm's way." She answered the critics of her family life being too much to handle, what with being a new mom of a special-needs child and with her 17-year old daughter Bristol Palin being 5-months pregnant: "From the inside, no family ever seems typical. That's how it is with us. Our family has the same ups and downs as any other ... the same challenges and the same joys. Sometimes even the greatest joys bring challenge." She beamed over her husband Todd: "We met in high school, and two decades and five children later he's still my guy." Her parents, Chuck and Sally Heath, were in attendance and she praised them for teaching her "..one simple lesson: that this is America, and every woman can walk through every door of opportunity." If she didn't win over the Dems' former Hillary Clinton supporting women with that statement, then they don't have the courage of their convictions. She answered the critics who say that she was just the Mayor of some small town: "I grew up with those people. They are the ones who do some of the hardest work in America ... who grow our food, run our factories, and fight our wars. They love their country, in good times and bad, and they're always proud of America. I had the privilege of living most of my life in a small town." Did you notice the subtle slap at Michelle Obama there, who claimed that she was only now proud of her country for the first time in her adult lifetime. Sarah's people are "always proud of America." What a tremendous contrast. She laughed off talk that she was just some 'soccer mom' or 'hockey mom' with a joke: "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick." Then Palin took the liberal media deep: "Now, here's a little news flash for all those reporters and commentators: I'm not going to Washington to seek their good opinion. I'm going to Washington to serve the people of this great country." She spoke of today's political partisanship: "No one expects us to agree on everything. But we are expected to govern with integrity, good will, clear convictions, and a servant's heart. I pledge to all Americans that I will carry myself in this spirit as vice president of the United States." She talked of how she took on the establishment in Alaska, winning the Governor's office, and then set about making reforms such as selling the Governor's private jet on EBay and getting rid of the office's personal chef. She cut taxes, reduced spending, and left her state with a budget surplus. She showed a grasp of foreign affairs and important issues such as energy and terrorism by relating to Mexico, Russia, Europe, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, al Qaeda, and Iraq among others. She was tough politically, taking a swipe at her opponents while pointing out the heroism of her running mate: "...though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they are always, quote, "fighting for you," let us face the matter squarely. There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you ... in places where winning means survival and defeat means death ... and that man is John McCain." And then she took one final comparative swing at Obama: "For a season, a gifted speaker can inspire with his words. For a lifetime, John McCain has inspired with his deeds." During this granny's grand-slam speech, she stated that the reason pols should go to Washington is "to challenge the status quo, to serve the common good, and to leave this nation better than we found it." After last night, no one doubts that John McCain and Sarah Palin intend to do just that beginning in January of 2009.

Bristol Palin's Pregnant Pause

Bristol Palin is the beautiful, intelligent 17-year old daughter of Sarah Palin, who is a woman whom many of us hope becomes the first-ever female to serve as the Vice-President of the United States, and one day possibly the first female President. A woman who is an example for all young women to follow, and whom I would love to become a role model for my own young daughters. Bristol is also pregnant with a child fathered by her boyfriend. All the important people are saying all the 'politically correct' things that they are supposed to say like "It's a family matter", "It's a private matter", "It's no one's business but Bristol, the young man, and their families." All good, correct, proper positions to take. Of course when your mom is running for Vice-President, as Bristol's mom is, it really is not, nor should it be expected to be, that simple. Our parents watched on TV as little John-John and Caroline Kennedy ran around the White House. I watched as a teenager as young Amy Carter went through that awkward, ugly-duckling phase. And most of you old enough to be reading and understanding this were likely old enough to have experienced the growing pains of Chelsea Clinton and both Jenna and Barbara Bush. Fact is, when you make the decision to accept a call to national office as Sarah Palin has, you accept that your family, your past, your entire life and the lives of those important to you are going to become public knowledge. In today's day and age, that means that you and yours are going to become the topics of water cooler conversations, blogger opinions, gossip show episodes, magazine covers, etc. I don't know much about Bristol Palin yet, but believe me when I say that we all will know much more about her in the coming days, weeks, months, and hopefully years. I pray that she will be healthy, that her child will be healthy, and that the relationship with her boyfriend ends up strong enough to support a happy marriage and life-long partnership and commitment. All that said, the main thing that I pray for young Bristol Palin is strength. She is going to need it, not just because she will now come under more intense public scrutiny, but just for the fact of becoming a parent as a teenager. I know, I've been there, done that. I was 17 years old when I learned that my high school girlfriend was pregnant. We had been dating for almost three years when we found out that our lives were going to change. Much like Bristol Palin, we made the correct decision to have the baby, not abort it and end it's life for our convenience. We also got married, which may or may not have been the best decision. No matter the circumstances, it is difficult for a 17-year old to appreciate what "the rest of your life" means. The marriage lasted over a decade, and we had another child along the way. We also had many challenges that most young people our age don't have to face, and in the end were not strong enough to keep it together. But my two daughters are beautiful young women of whom I am very proud, much as Sarah Palin is proud of her daughter in these trying circumstances, and despite all the difficult times over the years, I just would not want to imagine a life without them in it. And my oldest also went through a similar situation, single parenthood in her 20's, now twice over. I hope that she marries the man who is the father of my grandson. He seems like a nice guy with a good heart who generally has his head on straight and his priorities mostly appropriately aligned. We all hope for the best for our children, for some concept that we have of a 'perfect' and 'normal' happy life. But reality has a way of stepping in and making you adjust on the fly. Sarah Palin has done the right thing by teaching her children abstinence and providing a moral leadership and value system in her home. But the fact remains that Bristol Palin is her own person, and so are the other Palin kids. They are going to have challenges in their lives that their parents will have to help them through, that is the nature of being a parent. You don't weaken your values system just because of a situation, you instead use those situations as opportunities to strengthen your family even more, and to provide an example for others as to how families should react during such challenges. You don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Young Bristol Palin is going to have it a bit harder, at least for awhile, than she would have had she not gotten pregnant. She is going to come under a microscope, because even if many in the more professional news services do generally abide by the public calls for privacy, that won't be the case with all. She will be followed, photographed, videotaped. Questions will be yelled, hollered, whispered at her anywhere she goes in public. They won't come from her friends and neighbors in Wasilia, Alaska. No, the pregnancy was no secret there, and the regular folks of that town and region frankly could care less as it relates to Sarah Palin's election efforts. Young Bristol will have it hard, but her life is far from over, in fact it is just beginning, much as that of her young child will be just beginning. Perhaps more than anything that is the biggest lesson to be learned here. The lesson on the importance of life and it's value. The importance of the life of Bristol Palin's little baby. The baby may force Bristol into a bit of a pregnant pause in her life, but should not change anything about the families value system or what they teach their younger children. God bless the Palin family and the family of the young man involved, and especially the new life that God Himself created, and that Bristol is bringing into the world. After all, it is a life, not a choice.