4 Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

4  Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

You’ve heard them on the radios; you’ve seen them on T.V. You’ve known them, you’ve lived among them, and (God forbid) you might even be one of them. But, do you know why they’re idiots? Here, I give you five reasons why members of the so called Tea Party movement are idiots.

1.       They hate the government: This has to be one of the stupidest arguments that Tea Partiers routinely make: “government doesn’t solve anything; it only makes the problem worse”. Oh really? So, you’re telling me that you don’t appreciate the government owned roads that you drive on for work every day, the government run police and fire stations that protect your house when you’re gone, the government military that prevents other nations from invading you, etc.? Give me a break.

Still not convinced? Well, let’s look at some other examples of countries with small government, say Somalia. How’s that working out for them?

2.       They like Glenn Beck: Or, specifically, they like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Michael Savage, Ron Paul, and a whole cadre of idiots who believe among other things that Barack Obama was born in Kenya the world was literally created in six days, and FEMA is running concentration camps.  Wow. Just wow.

3.       They hate taxing rich people: I have family members who are quite well off, including one household that makes over 150K per year, who live very comfortable lifestyles. However, even they don’t make enough money to pay more taxes if the Bush tax cuts are repealed. Yet, the Tea Party movement supports the repeal of these tax cuts, all under the guise of small government. Worse yet, they have duped tons of yokels into supporting this idea, very much against their own economic self interest. Again, wow.

4.       They cut spending needlessly: Let me explain. There are three main sources of discretionary government spending in this country (meaning after worker’s salaries have been paid, etc.): military, Social Security, and Medicare.  Between them, they account for like 80 or 90% of the budget annually. However, the whole focus of the Tea Partiers in balancing the budget is to cut programs like Pell Grants – spending that accounts for a tiny fraction (less than 1%) of the overall budget in the country annually. Bone heads.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I being too harsh? Leave your comments below.

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Funny or Die Sucks: Review of 3 New Videos

Image via CrunchBase

A while back on this blog, I wrote an entry about how the internet comedy series Funny or Die actually sucks and isn't very funny. However, I had a friend email me a link to some of their new videos so that I could do an updated review of the series. My updated opinion: Funny or Die is still hit or miss, with mostly misses and a very few mildly amusing hits. So, yeah, it still sucks. Scroll down for my review of the three new videos:

1.  Sequal to When Harry Met Sally:

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

In this sequal to When Harry Met Sally, a studio exec takes Billy Crystal's idea of making a sequel to the classical romantic comedy and turns it into a vampire movie renamed When Harry Bit Sally, Even though the idea is brilliant and Billy Crystal is one of my favorite all time comedians, the execution on the video seemed a little off. I thought the jokes were a bit forced (like the one where Crystal suddenly gets excited over a bloody handkerchief used for a circumcision) to somewhat gross (as when Crystal spits blood onto the window of a car without rolling it down). It felt like every other Funny or Die short I've ever seen -- good idea, lots of promise, poor execution, and poor comedic timing. It's still worth watching once, but it's not the type of video I'd post on Facebook or email to a friend.


2. Wax On, F*ck off with Ralph Macchio:

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

I actually found myself laughing a few times during this short, which is rare when I watch Funny or Die videos. The premise in this video is that Ralph Maccio (The Karate Kid) has to remake himself as a Hollywood bad boy to restart his movie career. The video has a few funny moments, like where he wants to make a sex tape with "no cuddling" at the end. Also, the scene where he is paying the hooker 50 bucks for a hug is pretty good. Even so, I still get this overall sense of pandering to stars from this video, just like every other Funny or Die video out there. I would also rate this one as a watch once video, with maybe a Facebook post if you have lots of Karate Kid fans in your family.


3. David Mamet's "Lost Masterpieces of Pornography"

David Mamet's "Lost Masterpieces of Pornography" w/ Kristen Bell, Ed O'Neill & Ricky Jay from David Mamet

Here is yet another video from Funny or Die that should have been funny, could have been funny, but wasn't. It had all of the elements: pretty girl, old guys, pornography lost since 1938 -- I guess those are all funny, right? The problem with this video is, like other Funny or Die videos, it just doesn't take itself seriously. The ideas are all right, the acting talent is there, but the execution is just off somehow.

I don't understand why Funny of Die isn't funny, I really don't. But, for some inexplicable reason, it isn't funny. So, yes, Funny or Die still sucks, unfortunately.

What do you think of Funny or Die?

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Selena Gomez sucks some Helium!

Ever wondered what sexy Latina actress Selena Gomez would sound like if she were sucking down some helium before each performance? Check out this Youtube clip for a sample of what Selena Gomez sounds like after sucking some helium. It also features Selena in a very cute dress that shows off her long legs -- a must view for any guy.

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Why Writing an Article in 7 Minutes Make Us Dumberer

Image by casasroger via Flickr

In his system, "How to Write an Article in 7 Minutes (or some crap like that)", internet marketer some-bozo-that-I-don't remember-his-name-and-it's-a-pseudonym-anyway has made up a system whereby people can write a 400 word article in 7 minutes (6 if you close all the porn windows on your computer first). The method goes something like this:

1. Google something and open up the first three windows that comes up on your subject. It doesn't matter where the articles source from (news, blog, hub page, 5 year old kid, prison inmate, etc.), just that the have something written on their article that is worth stealing.

2. Skim through the first three and last paragraph of the article. Don't try to do things like understand the article or verify the sources -- those things take too much time. For example, if the article tells you things like "Mercury is an excellent source of coloring for a food additive" or "When you're baby cries, just shake him or her to sleep -- the baby actually enjoys it", you should just repeat that in your article without question. After all, doing these things takes time.

3. Put the plagiarized . . . er, rewritten content that you find on those sites into a automated computer template and crank that article as fast as your little fingers can click the mouse button. Usually, your article comes out reading something like this (where the bold terms are your keywords that you've stolen from the article and the rest is computer generated drivel):

People are concerned about internet safety, but in this article, I teach you the tips to avoid internet safety and save your email passwords. By simply reading this article, you can safely experience internet safety and save your computer from internet attack. Blah, blah, blah . . . internet safety. Blah, blah, blah, . . . email passwords  . . . phishing scams . . . lazy readers.

Isn't this just riveting to read?

4. Take this craptacular article and put it on some craptacular circus-peanuts-for-bad-writing website -- like Associated Content. Make sure to  get all of your other desperate loser . . . I mean, writer colleagues on the site to click on the article, promising them that you'll do the same (even if you outsource it to India instead). Just think - this article could be worth $1.50!!!

Is this really what the internet has come to, this McDonalds version of information that writers seem to be proliferating everywhere online. Actually, I take it back, this isn't even McDonalds grade, it's more like a Jack-in-the-Box $0.39 burger that has been dropped at the drivethrough, run over a couple of times, found, and later half-eaten by a homeless man. Think: do you really want that kind of garbage clogging your internet?

P.S. No offense intended towards homeless men that eat burgers found on the street :)

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Funny or Die Sucks -- Update

I thought that I would post an updated example of another not funny video from "Funny or Die" -- the unfunny Youtube video series that features a whole cadre of Hollywood stars. This particular one features Adam West (of Batman and Family Guy fame).




First off, the scene where the guy get robbed and killed in his own house. I've posted videos of people getting hurt on my blog before, and I've even posted vids of insurgents getting wasted by U.S. troops. I have no problem with violence in general. However, in this particular case, it comes off as much creepier. There is just something disturbing, even to me, about seeing a guy get shot in his pajamas. Of course, a lot of the reason why they show this is because it's a white guy getting shot by another white guy, which makes it perfectly okay. If it were, say, a black man shooting/getting shot by a white guy, that would be racist.

Second, the solution shown in the video is dorky. I was really hoping for some sort of "Bazookanator" or instant death ray gun to help protect the home owner. I would have even settled for a vampire dog. But, the eye hole thing is a piece that gets way too much usage in comedy shorts. Back in the days of Looney Toons, maybe it was fresh. But, after 80 years of seeing it, not so much.

Finally, Adam West is best seen and not heard. He's cool in Family Guy because his voice is so weird. But, on screen, he looks like some sort of pedophile grandpa. I guess if someone was really drunk or stoned, it might appeal to them. But, I'm sober and not so much.

Maybe I'm just nit picking here. But, I don't find these videos funny. What do you think?

 

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Why Wikileaks Sucks

I decided to visit the site Wikileaks a few days ago when I was experiencing a moment of boredom mixed with burnout from work. For those of you that currently live on Mars or outside the United States, Wikileaks is the site that released over 100,000 documents about the United States' war effort in Afghanistan (and probably got a few informants who worked for the U.S. killed in the process).

After cruising around their site for a while, I discovered a document that I knew to contain some erroneous information. Without going into details, let me just say that I am affiliated with the organization in question and saw after five seconds that, while the document was purporting to be an "official document" of the organization in question, it was nothing more than someone's opinion who belonged to the organization, and a poorly formed opinion at that.

So, after searching for and not finding the button to sign up for an account so that I could join the 100 or so people who had already commented on the discussion for the document in denouncing it, I joined their chat session to ask for an account. After all, if the name of the site is "Wikileaks", I'm imagining that it should be similar to Wikipedia and I should be able to edit the site, right? No. After a conversation with one of their garrulous -- but not too helpful -- chat monkies, I was told that they had stopped allowing people to sign up for new accounts and that this would continue for the foreseeable future. Here is a screen shot of the conversation.

My session with a Wikileaks chat monkey

So, basically, Wikileaks publishes anything that they find damaging to an organization while the larger internet is unable to challenge the accuracy of the documents. It seems sucky to me.


Here is the result of a Google search for "hot Wikileaks girl" -- that Russian spy who just got kicked out:

Hot Russian Spy Girl

So, do you agree that Wikileaks sucks or am I being too harsh?

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Associated Content: Splogs, Sploggers, and Splogging from Splogfrica

I am fed up with looking for information on Associated Content, EHow, HubPages, Helium, or any of the other similar myriad pages that pay people to write articles. Most of the information is complete and utter junk. Here are some examples.

A brief and poorly written "dissertation" on time travel

So this is a good example of what I'm writing about with contentless Associated Content articles. Read the article (it only takes about a minute) and ask yourself how much effort you feel that the author of that article put into writing it. If your answer was that he or she (probably he) put less than 10 minutes of effort into writing it, you're almost certainly right. I would have said under five minutes of effort, except for the fact that the article was largely free of spelling and punctuation errors, which means that the author probably couldn't have written it stream-of-consciousness style.

Also, to be fair, I wouldn't expect something much deeper than this, given the article's title. However, it is frustrating when you're looking for information that is a little more in depth and useful. Here is an example:

How to change the locks on your door

If you read the article carefully, the author basically tells you to take the old locks off and put the new ones on. Well, thanks and duh, which is exactly the problem with associated content articles -- lots of information that literally resembles the types of answers you get when you ask a the girl at Best Buy what is the difference between the two televisions and she responds with an answer like, "Well, this one is a Toshiba, which is a good brand . . . I guess . . . and this one is a Sony. I guess this one is a little bigger, um, and it has higher D-P-I, whatever that means, and um, it costs a bit more but . . . it's more fun to watch . . . um, I think this is actually the kind my brother has, like an LCD, which is cool . . . and . . . this one has big speakers. I don't know -- I just started working here last week." In other words, she doesn't know anything and is there as floor furniture and to make sure you don't shoplift.


However, the last type of article is even more annoying -- the articles where people actually give out the wrong information. Here is a good example:

Should You Go to Mexico for Plastic Surgery?

I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why this article sucks other than to say that there are 120 million people in Mexico, many of whom even make frequent trips to the doctor and live to tell about it. In fact, a large percentage of Mexican doctors have been trained inside the U.S. or in Europe, not that the Mexican medical schools are inferior or anything. Remember, brown does not equal dangerous, as much as Fox News and the Republican Party would like you to think otherwise. Here is my poorly written article debunking the myths in the first poorly written article:

Hospitals in Mexico: Debunking the Myths

In summary: If you don't know how to use Google, lack common sense, or have recently injured your brain, you will benefit from the articles on Associated Content. If none of the above applies to you, do a little more research and get your information from more reputable sources -- like rumors and small children.



Cute Black Girl:

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Oscar Worthy Movie

Image by christophe dayer via Flickr

After watching The Boy in Striped Pajamas, I've decided to make my own “Oscar Worthy” movie. I only need the following five things.

1. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Actors with a British accent


2. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Evil Nazis doing evil things


3. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   A boy coming of age


4. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   A father betraying a son's trust


5. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Dramatic music

If all of those things don't work, I might throw in a random hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold, some drug use, the first sexual experience of a small town girl, and random violence that is really a commentary on privileged, white society.

Lets make a movie :)

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