Man is On a Mission to Create Great Fathers

Tom FitzPatrick is a man on a mission. He wants to transform men, one by one, to become great fathers. He knows men have it in them to be successful in their home lives. A teacher, attorney and psychologist all rolled into one, Tom possesses the skills to guide men to leadership.

Leadership is not the word I typically think of when I reflect on what it means to be a dad. But after speaking with Tom, who is clearly passionate about fatherhood, I have new insights about the dynamics in a family that often lead dads to check out and leave the child rearing to moms.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know dads play a crucial role in the family. I'm also quite vocal about that when it comes to finding strong male role models in families where, for whatever reason, the father may be missing in action. But Tom's vision takes the roles of fathers to a whole new level of engagement.

Fathers often become passive and inactive when they feel disconnected, marginalized or alienated from the family. They become unanchored from the family. But rather than asserting themselves in a more dynamic, active role at home, they slink off to work, the golf course or wherever they feel more in control and empowered.

"Men come to me and they're confused," Tom said. "They're often sad, broken and have hit bottom."

In addition, Tom believes many men often feel that when it comes to being a good dad and husband, they think "I'm the only guy who doesn't know how to do this." But if Tom's practice is any indication, there are plenty of men out there who are disengaged.

According to Tom, the solution is to re-energize dads so they are more engaged and competent in their relationships at home. Tom believes every dad should learn to be a leader. "I have come to believe that what a family needs in Dad is leadership," he said.

Tom maintains that to be a leader, you have to have a vision. When dads lack a vision for their families, they have no plan or mission; instead, they amble from one day to another with any sense of direction or guidance. "If a man has a purpose and a mission and is on point with his mission, then he is not distracted when he trying to be and deal with his wife and children," Tom said.

To Tom, leadership is not tyranny or control but passion and purpose. It's about strength, conviction and service. Tom sees too little of that from dads today. So he is on a mission to cultivate fathers who know how to lead.

"This is my mission in my life: to give men more power," Tom exclaimed with his own sense of passion and purpose. "My goal is to bring men together so that they can create good fathering."

So once a month, Tom holds a Fathers Forum where dads come together to talk about fathering. When dads gather to discuss, share and support one another, they normalize what being a dad is for each other. They also get more power and passion in the process. "I like to see men come together to craft solutions, talk and learn," Tom said. "They support each other and build awareness about what it takes to become an engaged and dynamic dad. My job is to help men get more power, purpose, passion and peace in their lives."

Tom acknowledges that sometimes trying to bring men together to talk is like herding cats: It can be difficult and frustrating. But the fruits of his efforts are vast. Just ask kids about their dads and the way that they touch their lives.

Good dads are not tough to spot. They are like the mighty oaks that stand tall and strong. I've seen these types of good, strong and competent fathers and I've witnessed my fair share of dads who are disengaged from their families. There is no doubt that fathers with a sense of engagement and purpose raise children who have many more advantages and promise than those kids whose fathers are lackluster, disconnected or absent and where no solid male role model has been set in his place.

It's good to know there are men like Tom FitzPatrick in the world who care about the state of fatherhood and are using every ounce of their energy to reach out to dads to help them become strong, effective partners in child-rearing. So here's to you, Tom, for setting a path for dads to become a vital and vibrant part of their families.

And hats off and Father's Day salutations to all dads who understand what their involvement and nurturing does for their kids and families and who learn what it takes to be the best dads they can be. It's no small task to be a dad, but it has a huge impact that reverberates for generations because children with good parents learn how to be good parents themselves.

WRITTEN by Alyssa Martina at The Detroit News on June 19th, 2009

Recovering the Lost Art of Manhood

Not only should Perez read this particular book, but so should Obama and his male entitlement mooks. Maybe Adam Lambert should give it a gander—and all the rest of the American Idol males, too, for that matter. I’m also certain that it would be advantageous for 99% of evangelical men and all the current boys who make up the Republican Party’s leadership to peruse its contents.

So, what’s the book that’ll cure Perez’s paranormalities and shore up BHO’s sell out mentality? Well, it is not Liberace’s biography or Dr. I. Blow’s new book, How Guys Can Get in Touch with Their Inner Diva, or my 2006 book, 10 Habits of Decidedly Defective People, or another one of Alinsky’s rags.

The book that could possibly (maybe) cure Hilton’s heinously deep weirdness, the effete bent of our culture, the wuss tick in churches, Obama’s many ills, as well as the pusillanimity of GOP politicos is Frank Miniter’s new destined-to-be-bestselling tome, The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide: Recovering the Lost Art of Manhood.

As most of my regular readers know, one of my favorite whipping posts is the metrosexual male imago the man-haters are successfully saddling our sons with. This Puss-in-Boots culture detests men who would be men. That’s why parents and grandparents who loathe what the media and various institutions are trying to do to our boys need Miniter’s new book more than Pelosi needs Jesus and a straight jacket. Frank has penned a manifesto for manhood, a veritable tour de force for testosterone that decisively rebels against the gush of this sassy society.

So what’s so great about Miniter’s book on the lost art of manhood? Here are four things that flick my switch:

• It’s not 400 pages long. Frank cuts to the chase. No long, drawn-out blah, blah, blah fluff trying to fill pages so his publisher won’t sue him for not hitting his contractual word count. As a man, I appreciate that. I’ve got stuff to do. Don’t go wafty on me. Get to the point. And Frank does just that.

• It’s insanely practical. In TUMSG, not only will Miniter hit you with some heavies regarding the philosophic aspects of classic male virtues, but he’ll also lay out: 5 ways to purify water; which survival knife is best; how to survive if you get lost; how to rescue a capsized boater; how to fend off a bear, cougar and alligator attack; how to spot poisonous snakes; how to control arterial bleeding; 10 rules of gun safety; Marine Corps sniper tactics; 10 steps to field dress a deer; fishing strategies for stream, lake and ocean; how to throw a fastball, curve and a change-up; how to run with the bulls of Pamplona; how to choose the perfect candy, flowers and jewelry for your lady; how to judge, cut and smoke a cigar; the differences between certain whiskeys, wines and beers; how to win at poker; the importance of the 10 Commandments; 100 movies and 100 books every dude should see and read; and the 10 most manly deaths—from Davy Crockett to Jesus Christ. And that’s just a fraction of the useful stuff Frank cranks in this politically incorrect, metrosexual maligning manuscript.

• It lauds classic male traits of yesteryear, things like: self confidence, precision, wisdom, humility, bravery, strength, honor, sacrifice and knowledge. You remember those masculine traits, don’t you? Not only does Frank float these old school assets but he also profiles many men who embodied these goodies while here on planet earth.

• He walks his talk. Believe it or not, Frank lives this stuff . . . at least as much as a sinner can. Miniter has floated the Amazon (the river, not the online superstore), run with the bulls of Pamplona, and hunted everything from bear in Russia to elk with the Apache to kudu in the Kalahari. Along the way Frank learned boxing from Floyd Patterson, spelunked into Pompey’s cave, and I hear he can make a wicked martini. FM’s a graduate of the oldest private military academy in the US, a place that still teaches honor and old school gentlemanly conduct and believes, obviously, “that men need this book because the US has lost its code of honor as enumerated by its Founding Fathers.”

Hey parent and/or grandparent, give me your good ear for a sec. The MSM, public schools, pop culture, effeminate branches of evangelicalism and liberal politics have made being a man, in the classic sense of the word, a bad thing. If you want to make certain your son or grandson morphs into a dandy dilatory dipstick then allow him to ogle pop culture, admire our current political clime, and send him to a church that’s filled with dancing wood fairies, a lot of “hugging and sharing,” and more floral displays than an FTD warehouse. They will wring out of him any and all vestiges of that which makes him a man. You might as well stock up on eye-liner, fingernail polish, glitter, James Blunt CDs, and some skinny stretch jeans right now because he’s gonna need ‘em.

However, should you desire that your son become a William Wallace, you must do the following:

Buy Miniter’s book!

In addition, buy my audio books, Raising Boys That Feminists Will Hate and God’s Warriors & Wild Men (www.clashradio.com), and Doug Wilson’s book, Future Men. The aforementioned will provide you and your Y chromosome with all the information and inspiration needed for him to be the provider, protector, hunter and hero God intended him to become.

Also, single ladies, if you have some 21st century metro guy begging to take you out on a date or wanting your hand in marriage, before you plow forward with Mr. Sassy Pants you might want to have him digest Frank’s book as a good acid test to verify whether or not you’re saddling up to a man or a hamster. Let him read it. See if it gives him a tummy ache. If it doesn’t make him run screaming to mommy and he actually cowboys up and begins to embody what this survivor guide espouses—for, let’s say, five years—then go out with him. Unless, of course, you like dating hamsters who weep while watching the movie Twilight.

Great stuff, Frank.

Congrats!

WRITTEN by Doug Giles as "Here's a Book Perez Hilton and Barrack Obama Should Read" at TownHall.com on May 23rd, 2009

Indecent Exposure

You are never going to hear me advocate forced censorship or book burning. I never have, never will. I leave that to the ultra-liberals who want to support things like the deceptively named and unfair "Fairness Doctrine", a blatant attempt by liberal ideologues to shut down or drastically reduce conservative talk radio. True conservatives would never go down that road. We believe in a free exchange of ideas, as long as it is done with responsibility. Liberals just want to shut up the opposition. The debate on the radio issue will be covered here another day. Today it just sets the stage for discussing what is appropriate for our kids to see, and where, when, and how they should be exposed to certain language, images, and ideas. I truly believe that each of these decisions not only should be made within the sanctity of each home, but also surrender to the fact that this will be the case no matter what type of restrictive legislation anyone attempts to place on media. If you are a practicing Christian who home schools their child, there are certain things that you are going to teach that child, and certain things that you are going to severely restrict. Just the same, if you are an ethnic or racial minority, there is programming and music that you are going to expose your child to that teaches them an appreciation of their culture, sometimes to the neglect of teaching them responsibility and affection for their larger American culture. If you are an Aryan white supremacist, you are going to expose your kids to other ideas, and not only restrict them from multi-cultural experiences, but teach that these are somehow inherently evil. As parents, we hold a great deal of sway over our children's education, no matter what they see and learn at school. If a boy goes to a Catholic school and learns all sorts of good lessons during the day, then comes home at night to a father who drinks excessively and slaps his wife around in front of the kiddies, do you think that days teachings will outweigh those learned at home at night? Just the same, if a girl goes to school where she is taught in a completely secular environment all day, but goes home to a family with strong Christian values, teachings, and practices, she is far less likely to be influenced by secularism. What we expose our kids to at home is extremely important. The television shows and movies that we allow them to watch, the music that we allow them to listen to, the video games that we allow them to play. Every bit of this media input that we allow them to experience will influence the people that they will become. We can write it off ourselves to "it's just entertainment" or "it's just fantasy", but kids don't know the difference in their developing minds and psyches, no matter how smart we may be kidding ourselves into believing that our children have become. Today's media is light years ahead of anything that we grew up experiencing. The production values and artistic representations are realistic to the extreme, and beyond in some cases. But it is not only important what we allow the kids to experience, but also what we allow them to find us experiencing. We can tell them all day long that watching or reading or listening to something is not good for them, but when they later find us enjoying those same items, what lesson will they be learning? Do as I say, not as I do - the gift that just keeps on giving. They will learn hypocrisy, and they will learn to reduce their own standards. We all understand that what is appropriate for a fully grown, matured adult to watch or listen to is not the same for a 6-year old, which is similarly different from a 16-year old. Adults are capable of discerning good and evil, and are even capable of learning from complex story lines that include things such as sexuality and violence when set against a greater lesson in the story line. In exposing ourselves to these more adult-themed inputs, we must always be aware that they are indeed fantasies, and that there is indeed a more important lesson to be learned, so that we are not simply experiencing entertainment, but learning those greater lessons. Today's parents must not only care about what they expose themselves to, but more than at any time in history must be actively involved in the input that kids are receiving from media, at school, and among their friends, and need to be an aggressive filter. The process of learning good and bad, and then ultimately the difference between good and true evil, is a delicate one. When we advance from teaching the kids about what is 'bad' and then ultimately what 'evil' is, we need to be discerning, taking into account their full development as individuals based on age, intellect, and maturity level. The same goes in teaching them the basic biological differences between the sexes, moving on to having 'the Talk' about expressing their individual sexuality, and ultimately to guiding as best you can their practices during adolescence. Parents are far too often guilty of indecent exposure with their kids. I can't say that looking back, I was a paragon of the virtues that I now believe whole-heartedly and express here. Sometimes it takes difficult lessons learned to advance forward. But once you learn a lesson and understand truth, it is irresponsible not to pass those lessons along. As the group Crosby, Stills and Nash once sang, we have to "Teach the Children Well", not just teach them. God bless all parents as they perform that most important role of their lives.