Top Ten Predictions for The Office TV Series

Image via Wikipedia

Since The Office, at least judging from what I saw last night, can't get too much worse in life, I decided to make some predictions for the top ten things that will happen in the next season. Leave a comment and tell me how close to reality I am.


1. Jim and Pam will divorce and Jim will declare his undying love for Oscar.

2. Will Farrell will spend approximately half of each episode farting uncomfortably close Stanley's face.

3. Michael will make several return cameos for each show, each time wearing a hat more outrageous than the last time.

4. Pam and Erin will appear topless in at least one episode, possibly while engaged in a Jello fight.

5. Each episode will have theme music composed by the Cleveland Philharmonic Orchestra. This will be performed loudly in the background as the characters drink vodka and beat small children.

6. Holly will be revealed to be a man pretending to be a woman and later a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman.


7. Erin will make out with Andy, Toby, Gabe, Darryl, Kevin, and Oscar as well as several unnamed guest stars.

8. Dialogue will now be written on the backs of wet napkins and handed to cast member exactly seven minutes before each scene is shot.

9. At least one cast member will wear a shirt during the filming of each episode.

10. Dwight will marry a 17 year old girl from Botswana through a mail order bride service.

Related articles

• "The Office: Michael’s Last Dundies, 7.21" and related posts (officetally.com)
• The Office: Goodbye, Michael Scott (networkexposure.wordpress.com)
• Stuff I Dislike: Michael Scott (dpecs.wordpress.com)
• The Office - Packed Away (televisionwithoutpity.com)
• Can Will Ferrell's cruelty save "The Office?" (salon.com)

Joke: Murphy's Bar

Three Irish men were arguing one day about which bar was the finest in all of Ireland.

Said the first one: "McDougal's bar is the finest. There, you buy a drink, you buy a second drink, and McDougal buys you a third drink."


Said the second one: "It isn't so. O'Toole's Bar is the finest. At O'Toole's you buy a drink. He buys you a second drink. You buy a third drink, and he buys you a fourth drink."

Said the third: "No, Murphy's bar is the finest. There, Murphy buy you a drink. Then he buys you a second drink. Then he buys you a third drink, and then he takes you into the back and get you laid."


Said the first two: "Did this happen to you, old friend?"

Said the third: "No, but it happened to my sister."

Related articles

• First Call: Jameson & Ginger, Nectar of the Irish Gods (seattleweekly.com)
• St. Paddy's Day breakfast, prizes at O'Toole's (timesunion.com)
• Love The Irish (dickiehaha.wordpress.com)

Joke: Black Baby "Mother" -- 1/2 a word

One time, a black baby was sitting with her very young son. Suddenly, the son looked over at the mother and opened his mouth.

"Mmmm . . . mmmm . . . moooo . . .," he started to say.

The mother became very excited and exclaimed, "Go on baby."

"Mmmm . . . mmmmoooooo . . . moooottttthhh . . . ,"

"Oh, keep going, you beautiful chocolate baby."

"Mmmmmm . . . mmmmooo . . . moootttthhhh . . . mmmmmoooooottthhhheeeeerrrrr. . . .

MOTHER!"

"Shanene," the mother yelled to her daughter, "go call your father. They baby just said half of a word!"

Related articles

• Newborns need their mother's voice to really fire their brains up [Mad Science] (io9.com)
• Young mother hid stillborn baby's body under a bed, in a wardrobe and a wheelie bin for FOUR MONTHS after secret pregnancy (dailymail.co.uk)
• Baby Snow Monkeys (pixiq.com)

Bicycle Joke: More Mexican or More Jewish

A little boy walks up to his sister one day and asks, "Sis, am I more Mexican or more Jewish?"

The sister responds, "I don't know. Ask Mom."

Next, the little boy asks his mom," Am I more Mexican or more Jewish?"

The mother replies, "I'm not sure. Ask Dad."

Finally, the little boy poses the question to his father, "Am I more Mexican or more Jewish?"

The dad says, "I'm not sure son. Why do you ask?"

The little boy shot back, "Well, a friend of mine has a bike that I want. I want to know if I am more Mexican or more Jewish so that I know whether to steal the bike or to Jew him down to five dollars and buy it."

Cute Jewish Girl

Related articles

• Rabbis' wives warn Jewish girls not to associate with Arabs (politics.ie)
• Jewish history of Santa Fe (blogs.jta.org)
• Q/A: Jewish? Israeli? Huh? (emilylhauserinmyhead.wordpress.com)

Katy Perry -- That's Not My Belly Button!

If you missed it, Katy Perry, the singer extraordinaire, made an off color, dirty, yet funny joke at the end of her recent guest appearance on The Simpsons. To see the joke, watch the video below.




Oh, to be muppet Moe Sizlack!

Of course, The Simpsons were playing off of the old "That's not my belly button" joke that I heard growing up. There are many versions out it out there; here is one (this one from aardvarkarchie.com


"Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled but little Johnny doesn't go.
He walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can i go home with you?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well i'm going to take a quick shower, you sit right here."
"Can i take a shower with you?" he asks.
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Well okay, I guess."
So their in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can i turn off the lights?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can i stick my finger in your belly button?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
"Well okay." says the teacher, "JOHNNY!, that's not my belly-button!"
"Yeah? and that's not my finger eather!" 

I've also heard a version with a couple the night before their wedding, etc. 

Related articles

• Katy Perry Gets Raunchy on "The Simpsons" (omg.yahoo.com)
• Oral Sex Gag Takes The Simpsons' Katy Perry Muppet Parody Way Over the Line (mediaite.com)
• VIDEO: The Simpsons Go All Puppety With Katy Perry (bleedingcool.com)
• Katy Perry Hugs Mr. Burns, Sings 'The 39 Days Of Christmas' On 'The Simpsons' (newsroom.mtv.com)

Smallest Penis in the World (joke)

I thought that I would treat my readers to a joke that I heard over the weekend that I thought was pretty funny. Here goes:

A reporter approaches the office of the Guinness Book of World Records and finds three men sitting there. She strikes up a conversation with each of the men to find out why they are there. Here are the replys:

Man 1: "I am here because I have the smallest are in the world."

Man 2: "I am here because I have the smallest head in the world."

Man 3: "I am here because I have the smallest penis in the world."


After agreeing with each of the men that they did indeed appear to be worthy of the Guinness record for these body parts, the reporter waited as each of the men went into the record office and came out one by one. Here is what each man said:

Man 1 (excitedly): "I do indeed have the smallest arm in the world. I'm in the book!"

Man 2 (happy): "I have the smallest head in the world! I'm in!"

Man 3 (confused and angry): "Who the hell is Justin Bieber?"

Related articles

• "Jay-Z And Beyonce Added To Guinness Book Of World Records" and related posts (hiphopwired.com)
• Highwood, IL to attempt Guinness Record for most jack-o-lanterns lit in one location (gadling.com)
• Tallest Dog Meets Smallest Dog (patspapers.com)
• World's Shortest Man 2011: Edward Nino Hernández, Guinness Record (nowpublic.com)
• Man Claims No Sleep Record (patspapers.com)