To make it up to all our loyal fans -- all five of you -- I'm skewering Victoria Beckham a/k/a/ Posh Spice and her Marc Jacobs photo shoot. The photographs are such a riot, I can't help reprinting them here. But in case I get asked to take them down, you can still laugh at the originals here.
Sara McCorquodale, writing for DailyMail, hones in on this thumbsucker fetal position monstrosity, calling it a way for Posh to evade her status as a fashion icon.
If you ask me, Posh looks like a maid with rubber cleaning gloves who can't decide whether she's going to do a Maypole dance or go to town on her fingers. The streamers flowing from her backside make her look like she's sprouted a tail. You know, if someone would turn this photo to the left 90 degrees, she'd look like a thumbsucker on an invisible pogo stick. Ugh. Yuck. Make it go away.
This frog whisperer photo isn't much better...
Is she trying to seduce the frog, suck it like her thumb, or position her mouth just so hoping it will leap inside? The gloves look thick and oversized, like vintage clothing from the bottom of your mother's hope chest to wear on Halloween. And what's with the hair? Sweat much? It's positively slick, shiny and hanging in clumpy wisps. Couldn't they stop the shoot for a quick shampoo and a blowdry?
Finally, this last composite, I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
I've never seen Posh look quite so Oriental. Is it that black beanie-looking thing over her forehead or the way she's holding the tote like a ninja warrier weapon? Every tense muscle and bulging bicep says this is not a woman to tangle with in a dark alley. Those pink rings around her neck and sleeves -- are they part of some gauzey see-through shirt? Why even bother with a shirt like this? I can see everything nature gave the lady and stuff it didn't. Mashed up implants ready to snap a bra strap or two.
Don't these designers believe in leaving anything to the imagination?
