‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Recap: Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

This article first published as TV Open Thread: Celebrity Apprentice - Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads on Blogcritics.

For a comprehensive recap of last night’s episode, mosey on down to Don Jr.'s official blog. There you’ll find a blow-by-blow account of the show's major talking points (which I’m sure will be updated soon). Two hours of Trump boot camp is much too much to summarize here. Besides, it’s more fun to focus on all the back stabbing and mud-slinging that happens on the show.

If pressed to characterize what went down last night, I’d call it "Battle of the Airheads." In this corner, for the women, presenting Niki Taylor: supermodel, crash victim, and "free and easy" PM. Niki is the kind of gal who doesn’t mind flouting her lack of mental prowess. While traveling with fellow model Hope to prepare print materials for the task – creating an outdoor camping experience to best showcase the RV and camping products of corporate behemoth Camping World — Niki confessed she wasn’t sure if they were living in the 20th or 21st century.

"Centuries I remember as 100 because there’s 100 cents on the dollar," Hope suggested as some kind of mental trigger. I still don’t understand the connection between centuries and dollars.

And in this corner, for the men, it’s PM Gary Busey: recovering addict, force of nature, and likewise a crash victim. Only in this case, the man landed on his head and hasn’t been the same since.

"I am focused like you can’t believe," Gary emphasized at the show’s outset. Oh yeah? Well then why without fail does every member of his team regard him as an unfocused buffoon? Is it jealousy over his Trump-proclaimed "genius" or disdain over having to carry an extra load?

For the record, despite Gary’s inadequacies and glaring inability to lead, the men pulled off a stunning victory. Say what you will about the power of positive thinking, John’s pandering country ballad, and lucky breaks (that’s "Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly" according to Gary), but if the men had lost, they would have sent Gary's head to the chopping block. Yes, Jose gives a bad name to lazy, overhyped sports personalities — sitting on his duff, reading a magazine, and taking a nap throughout the task – but the team convinced Gary to accept the PM slot because, let’s face it, they want him gone.

"You’re at risk, you know that," cautioned The Donald when Team Backbone announced Gary as PM. "I’m at risk every time I wake up," countered Gary. I think he was serious.

Clearly, Meat Loaf is not a fan. He and Gary locked heads last week waiting for Lisa to get the boot. And Lil Jon confessed he "wasn’t feeling" Gary after some tussling over the task. The two of them argued all the way home from the boardroom despite an impressive win. For his part, Gary called Jon an antagonist.

Off the subject, has anyone noticed a subtle change in The Donald’s hair? I swear he’s turning from blond to white. Maybe it was the sunlight or the camera angle. You know he’s about to become a grandpa.

But getting back to Gary, the guy is such a character it would be a shame to give him the ax, at least at this point in the competition. I sometimes think Trump and friends keep him around just to boost ratings, but then again, the women truly did deserve to lose.

Niki, however, made a huge mistake by shouldering blame for the women’s loss. I don’t care if her team finally worked well together or if Niki wanted the "class act" moniker more than a spot in the final, that girl should have stayed and stepped up for charity. Dionne failed spectacularly not only by skipping the trip to Home Depot (and thus costing Niki shrubbery needed to beautify the team's camping space), but also by lambasting Niki in front of potential clients. With Marlee chomping at the bit to fire Dionne, saying she only does the bare minimum each task, and Star in Niki’s corner ("I was thrilled with Niki as PM," said Star), The Donald could have easily fired Dionne.

Do you think Niki acted like an airhead? Would you rather be known as a class act than someone who fights on behalf of charity? Class act be damned, I would have stayed and battled.


Read My Other Season 4 Recaps:

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under Bus

Meat Loaf Meltdown

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

Top Ten Revealing Fashion Trends

(WARNING: Photos used in this article may be too revealing for children under 13-years old. Parental guidance suggested)

Gack! It's passing for fashion.... or worse ....political statement.

Starting with Kylie Minogue's Q Magazine cover, a fashion trend emphasizing previously unmentionable body parts is beginning to attract media attention and engulf runways. For now, cooler heads can breathe a sigh of relief. The trend doesn't appear to be spreading... yet.

Daring and shocking perhaps, yet unlikely to go mainstream. Which means most people have enough sense to gawk and LTAO before forwarding these pictures to friends. Then again, what do I know? Never thought pajama pants would become trendy and now the lady across the street wears them outside.

So, if you're someone who wants to be caught dead in any of these outfits, by all means, go to town. Just please snap a picture of yourself first. With any luck, someone will forward it to The Spewker.

We could use a good laugh now and then.

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The Top 10 Salient Celebrity Smackers

They’re bowed, blown-up, full, curled, lush, luscious, rounded, snarled and salacious. Portals of communication and objections of obsession. Curio chambers of lips, teeth, and gums. I’m talking about salient celebrity smackers.

Many have undergone surgical enhancement, but those that stand head and shoulders above the rest deserve mention. Not because they’re pumped or pouty, but because certain mouths just got it going on.

The qualities of a standout are hard to pinpoint. It can be as simple as the way a celebrity speaks, or a more subtle allure like a dart of the tongue. Some attract without effort while others are conscious acts of creation. Many have quested for the gold standard and failed. Britney’s recent foray into collagen enhancement proves the allure cannot be purchased. It’s the original package or what’s done with it that counts.

Note to readers: After publishing this article, many of the following videos were removed from YouTube. Their shells remain to display the captured title. Substitute videos appear below. We apologize for the complete lack of consideration of some "too full of themselves" individual. Now back to the original article.

With so many to choose from, I decided to take a stab at whittling it down to the top ten. Here are mine in reverse order:

10. Barbara Walters - When the late Gilda Radner donned her wig and journalists clothing, she became the epitome of this “wiving wegend.” “Baba” started her career with an almost imperceptible impediment that quickly became the most “pwonounced” joke in show business. Fantastic footage of the late Madeline Kahn as Marlena “Mahwena Deuschman” Dietrich is a hilarious bonus.

9. Holly Hunter - I’m obsessed with this Academy Award winner’s mouth because I can’t quite identify the impediment. It’s a lisp, it’s a hollow whistle, it’s a gentle shushing sound...it’s... completely fascinating. Also cannot ignore the right corner droop and killer southern accent. John Henson takes a jab at her trademark drawl, but Holly fights right back. Watch the end for an impressive impersonation of the late Katherine Hepburn.

8. Donald Trump - Best scene on The Apprentice ever. I don’t know how he speaks through those rounded protuberances, but it’s an exaggeration screaming for attention. More recent clips of The Donald show a toning down of the pouty puss. Hmmm... must not have enjoyed all those SNL parodies.

7. Dolly Parton - Before too much tweaking turned her into a cartoon version of bonkers on a stick, Dolly’s southern twang, lopsided bite, shushing "sss," and lower right corner droop mesmerized millions. Here’s a wonderful interview of a younger Dolly showing why she’s known as the gal with a heart of gold.

6. Alicia Silverstone - Asymetrical smile. Top right sneer. Lips that practically cover the entire bottom of her face. When Ms. Silverstone smiles, she reveals the entire length of her upper gums. The only other celebrity who can make that claim to fame is Mr. Ed.

5. Liv Tyler - A clip of Liv and her family at the Gotham Magazine launch party. It’s not so much the extraordinary shape and size of her lips as they way she purses them when she speaks. Each wonderful genuflect and tongue dart is captured here in fire engine red. Loved where she chose to caresses the magazine cover and her special send off at the end.

4. Cher - Before earning her Academy Award, Cher was a celebrated recipient of Harvard’s coveted hasty pudding pot. Check out the formerly perky cupid bow, famous tongue thrusts, renowned lip licks, and occasional cheek puff. Love those pre-collagen days.

3. Sylvester Stallone - The come hither sneer, the tongue dart, the two finger upper stance, the purse, the right corner droop. Rocky is in fine form here. This clip includes highlights from Sly’s latest flick, Rocky Balboa, and news of another franchise sequel.

2. Mick Jagger - Mick practically gets naked with Tina Turner at this Live Aid benefit. The highlight comes about 1:55 in. Additional lingual acrobatics follow, but not one of them tops the 1:56 freeze frame. Note the exquisite upper lip furl. One of the sexiest pouts this side of the pond, it’s no wonder Mick’s lips make headlines around the world.

1. Angelina Jolie - Pursing, pouting, smacking, licking, rubbing, tapping, you name it, these lips do it and more. In this revealing interview of the woman heralded as “Sexiest Woman Alive” and “One of the Fifty Most Beautiful People in the World,” Jolie’s mouth stretches the width of her wide set eyes and length of her tapered fingers. Look for the Shiloh sequel in years to come.

Honorable Mention: Brigitte Bardot, Drew Barrymore, Sandra Bernhardt, Geena Davis, Sophia Loren, Eddie Murphy, Julia Roberts, Garry Shandling, John Travolta, Steven Tyler, Alfre Woodard.

Gone But Not Forgotten: Marlon Brando, Sammy Davis, Jr., Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Anna Nicole Smith.

Update: Well, as Gilda Radner's famous character Rosanne Rosanna Dana used to say, "It's always something." Somebody came snooping around for "Holly Hunter mouth droop" and a whole slew of these videos magically disappeared from YouTube. Must be somebody pretty powerful and/or incredibly sanctimonious. I just hope they're proud of themselves.

This article took many many hours to put together just so, but they obviously don't care. The right emphasis on a celebrity's mouth, the perfect camera angle, and overall illustration of my impressions... all of this matters in supporting the points made here.

It's not as if the people or conglomerates with rights to the footage will ever find an acceptable business model to make money off of it. Okay, maybe they will, but it will be peanuts in comparison to the joy those videos bring. Those precious moments are lost forever, maybe never to reappear. Making YouTube delete otherwise unavailable camera footage is just plain wrong, copyright laws or not.

The next time whoever you are orders footage removed, will you kindly leave a link in my comments section to wherever the video is now available, if at all? At least that way people who are truly interested will still have a chance to footage of these spectacular pusses in action.

FYI, here are some substitute videos, but they don't do justice to the originals. But what's another ten hours shaved off of my life, eh?

HOLLY HUNTER


DOLLY PARTON


LIV TYLER


CHER
Sorry - post-collagen


SYLVESTER STALLONE


MICK JAGGER


ANGELINA JOLIE

Celebrity Scene Leaves Questionable Impression

I am not one to rag on celebrities. But for some reason, this fall is shaping up to be one of the worst "OMG! What happened?" seasons in recent memory. Case in point: Rebecca Romijn. Is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong here?

I think marriage to Jerry whatshisname is simply not agreeing with her. That, or she's been out in the hot California sun too long. Rebecca, hon, didn't your dermatologist warn you about the aging effects of the sun? Or do you just miss Uncle Jesse real bad? That stint on Ugly Betty may not be the best career move in light of this development.

So, this may be one time when a little dab 'o botox'll do ya. Or anything else that may be laying around the doctor's office.