Pentax Letter to Customers

With the announcement that, effective March 31, 2008, PENTAX will become a wholly-owned division of the HOYA Corporation, we felt it was important to communicate what we see as the benefits of this merger to our customers.

Also, I would like to clarify one statement from the "Public Notice of Execution of Merger Agreement". In this notice, it mentions that "PENTAX will be dissolved on March 31, 2008 in conjunction with the Merger". This does not mean that the PENTAX brand, its products, or business will cease to exist. In simple terms, this statement refers to the fact that effective with this merger the fiscal entity, PENTAX Corporation and its shares will no longer exist or be traded on the Japanese stock market.

In fact, becoming a division of HOYA will create flatter corporate structures and enable new business areas to grow, ensuring agility and speed in management decision making and ensuring appropriate allocation of resources. From my view as the new President of Pentax Imaging USA, this is good news for our future and yours as a PENTAX photographer.

Here's the link to our message to customers and business partners:
Pentax Letter to Customers

Maryland Special Session - O'Malley Plays to the Choir

THE FAMILY TENORS
A three act play depicting inter-party dynamics in the Maryland General Assembly.

Act I, Scene III:
Mood:
Democratic Governor Martin "Tony Tenor" O’Malley ran on a platform of tax and spend. Amazingly enough, the voters didn’t seem to mind.

Special Session. Day three. In this last scene of Act I, all eyes are upon Annapolis. Protestors rally outside the State House demanding accountability while Tenor and his cronies bunker down inside. Their mission: to fund proposed budget increases specifically designed to turn the Free State into the “Flee State.” At stake: the ability to borrow at negligible interest rates, to attract private sector business, and to keep the wealthier sectors of the population from migrating en masse.

Setting:
State House office of Senator Bobby "Bobby Baklava" Zirkin, heir apparent to the throne (Bobby is being groomed to take over for Tony when the time comes for his final political ascent to the White House). The legislature is bracing for a turf war. Senator Nathaniel "Paulie Peanuts" McFadden and his capos, Senator Lisa "Salvio Dante" Gladden, and Baklava are railing against rival power monger, Comptroller Peter "Johnny Sacrimonious" Franchot, prime target numero uno for supporting the Chamber of Commerce position demanding fiscal restraint. Johnny’s capo, Senator Jim "Jimbo Leotardo" Brochin fired the first shot by derailing a committee report favoring tax increases with a pre-planned filibuster. Fading waves of Jimbo reading from Gone With the Wind can be heard in the background.

(Sal and Paulie storm through the stage door office with Bobby close behind. Bobby slams the door on a freckle-faced page who has trailed them down the hallway and tried to follow them inside. Bobby plops into his seat behind the desk. Sal and Paulie rest their weary hides on the desk edges)

Sal: Did I tell you what a no good dirty rotten weasel that Jimbo is. Turning his back on the family and breaking rank. It’s a disgrace I tell you, an utter disgrace.

Paulie: Tony’s gonna be plenty pissed, that’s for sure. What're we gonna do about this, Bobby?

Bobby (looking distressed): I don’t know, Paulie. I don’t know (begins tapping fingers). Without massive increases in state services, Tony’s a goner. I mean, who’s gonna vote for that clown in 2010 if the legislature doesn’t expand existing government programs and fund services traditionally paid for by the private sector?

Paulie: You mean who else besides people making minimum wage and illegal immigrants?

Bobby (glaring at Paulie): Shaddup, you yutz! Of course that’s what I mean. That filibuster is threatening this whole family’s re-election.

Sal: We’ve just gotta tax the rich and upper middle class out of existence. It’s our only hope for survival.

Bobby: Jimbo must be stopped. But how….

Paulie: I could surreptitiously let the air outta his tires. When he tries to drive back to his hotel tonight, boy, will he be surprised.

Bobby: Dumbkoff! You of all people should know he’ll only get a few hours sleep. Probably'll sack out in his office. You’ll have to do a lot better than that if you want to continue trading pork with me.

Sal: Wait a minute. Don’t you and Jimbo belong to the same temple? Couldn’t you concoct some kinda ruse like an emergency prayer meeting, say something like Israel being nuked by Iran?

Bobby: Oh, and now we all look alike and pray at the same place, huh? That’s cold, Sal, real cold.

(Just then, Tony bursts into the room and immediately slams the door. The three cronies jump to attention. Bobby vacates his seat in deference to the boss. Tony doesn’t have to be invited to sit down)

Bobby: Tony!

Paulie: Hey, Tone.

Sal: Tony. Am I glad you’re here. We’re sinking fast. We’re gonna be sleeping with the schaefers.

Bobby (very conciliatory): You have to understand, Tony, I had no idea Jimbo was gonna break rank. You’ve got to believe me. I did everything I could to muscle him into line. That sucker looked me straight in the eye and even said he didn’t care if the family ran someone against him in the next election…

Tony (breaking in): You mean like the Republicans are pulling in district one?

Bobby (pointing his index finger at Tony): Exactly, chief. (Seeming slightly relieved) Didn’t care a lick. Said he was going forward with the impasse because he loves this state and the people of Maryland and didn’t want to see all the good of our predecessors flushed down the toilet.

Tony (with a crooked smile): He said that?

Bobby (crosses his hand to his heart): On my bubby’s brisket.

Tony (shaking his head musing): He really said that? I can’t believe he actually said that. How dare he give that rival crew any credit (Getting a tough looking stance on his face). Well, I’ll show Benedict Arnold what happens to rats who jump ship. If he thinks we’re all just going to sit back and let those elite sacks of suck have their way with us, they are in for one rude awakening. Poor bastards. They don’t even know who they’re messing with.

Paulie (looking very confused): Who are they messing with, Tone? I thought they were messing with us?

Tony: That’s why I get paid the big bucks and you are just a peon. Oh, Paulie. Ye of alabaster eyes gleaming undimmed by human tears. Those idiots aren’t just messing with us. They’re messing with her!

(Bobby and Sal gasp and cover their mouths simultaneously)
Paulie: Her?

Sal: Not her, Tony. You can’t mean her.

Bobby: You mean, “She Who Shall Not Be Named?”

Tony (jumping out of the chair and buttoning jacket): That’s exactly who I mean, Sal.

(Paulie continues to look baffled).
Tony: She’s looking to our tiny blue state as a role model for socialized government. You realize, of course, I took the lead in publicly support her campaign for President.

Paulie (suddenly getting it): Oh….

Tony: That’s right. And if this hurry up and decide gamble of mine doesn’t put the screws on those pansies to hike the sales tax, individual and corporate income tax and transfer tax, gouge those rich MoCo’s for every cent we can shake, expand free health care, and stick the voters with slots, well…all I can say is…heads are gonna roll (pause)...lliterally.

(Complete tangible silence. Paulie gulps, wide-eyed)
Paulie: I like my head right where it is.

Bobby: So, if I’m hearing you correctly, Tony, what I think you’re saying is, if we want to nip this problem in the bud, we’d better get our butts back out on that floor.

Tony: Not exactly, Bobby, it’s a bit more complicated than that. But if I waste any more time explaining how to twist arms to you lamebrains, Moonshine Mike might defect to the other side. Just follow me, quickly. Do what I say and do as I do. And don’t any of you open your fat mouths, you got that?

(All nod like sheep and fall in line behind Tony strutting toward the exit. As the stage door opens, each one passes the freckle-faced page who is still standing on the other side in the hallway. Fearing possible retaliation, the page’s head faces straight down to avoid possible eye contact)

(Curtain)

Music of the Week: Jay-Z American Gangster

It doesn't matter if you ride with music or not. Music is a huge part of most of our lives. Personally, when i'm on the way to a spot or sessioning something alone, music matters.

This week i found some dude had this Pre-Release CD on his site... a couple of weeks early.

If you want to download it (ya know... for evaluation purposes) click here.

Scott Ditchburn Ad on the Fit Site

There is a dope new ad on the Fit site.

Check it out by clicking here.

Ian Schwartz's Sunday Frame

There are new pictures of the Ian Schwartz frame that will be available early next year up on the Sunday site. Check them out here and read about the frames features.

The frame looks awesome and has graphics done by Ian and a pivitol seat post welded on!

Spike Jonze - Defgrip

Head over to Defgrip to check out a post on Spike Jonze. They have a couple of his videos and stuff from YouTube in there.

You may know the name or know some of the stuff Spike's done but it really is worth checking out because his Filmography is insane!

I first noticed him as the director of the Blind skate video "Video Days". Then of course he started to come up after directing the Beastie Boys' video "Sabotage". Then in 1999 he won a bunch of awards for the Fatboy Slim video "Praise You".

In 2003 he directed most of the "Yeah Right" skate video which really took skatevid production to a whole new level. He incorporated motion control cameras, greenscreen compositing, and other special effects.

Well, here's a clip from Yeah Right that has Owen Wilson, Mike Caroll, and Eric Koston in it. There are no special effects in it but see if you can figure out how Owen Wilson is able to do a bluntslide down this rail.... Definitely worth a look (I promise it is NOT Owen skating)!

-- if you can't figure it out leave me a comment and I will tell you.



Spike Jonze Wikipedia entry


Oh Yeah, get out from behind the computer and go ride!!

"I Got A Rock" And Other Halloween Treats

I've been holding back some stuff for tomorrow's fright fest. Once it's Halloween, this year will go on the fast track to New Year's Eve. Thought it might be nice to take a brief breather, starting with that coke machine - a stand in for the temporarily discontinued Whose Shoes game.



Ginny Weasley must have taken a wrong turn during her last quidditch match. I heard rumors to the effect that Dumbeldore's coming out party and the end of the popular series turned Mrs. Potter into a functioning alcoholic. Must have tried too hard to catch that dern snitch.


In a never ending quest to rid the world of malevolence, The New Fantastic Four do battle against the evil alien clone (emphasis on "new"). A fantasy film without thrills and chills. Doesn't actually fit the Halloween theme, but fancy footwork makes this clip too catchy to overlook.



Here's a real treat. It's me in my Halloween costume. I thought I'd hit the bars as Ruth Buzzy this year. Is she even alive? How I miss the old bag.

I'll end with a memorable viral vid, right on the money for those who revel in gore. Unfortunately, censors slapped it with an "R" before I had a chance to weigh in...[more]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, CHARLIE BROWN!

OT: Red Sox win World Series

Yes, this is totally off topic, but I had to share this photo of my oldest son who produced all the live webcasts for Fox Sports during this year's World Series. He's standing next to Red Sox pitcher, Daisuke Matsuzaka, after they clinched the series last night against the Colorado Rockies. Please ignore the exif data, as this photo was taken with a PowerShot SD1000 (smile). Now that the Sox have won the baseball championship, all that's left to make my sports year complete is for the Patriot's to win the Super Bowl!

Politicelebritopia Round-Up for October 29, 2007

The line separating politicians and celebrities so often becomes blurred. As they cross into each others' realms, mongrel spawn are born. Round-up from this past week includes:

1. Madame Tussauds opened another house of wax in Washington, D.C. This full sensory interactive museum is probably the only place in the world where both Katie Couric and J. Edgar Hoover can put visitors on the hot spot...[more]

2. Cate Blanchette's sons have problems differentiating the celebrity from the sovereign, but they’re only five and three years old. What’s everyone else’s excuse?...[more]

3. Whoever is running FEMA watches too much reality television. America’s civil servants turn their California wildfire response into a botched episode of Survivor...[more]

4. This Hillary screensaver is a riot. When maneuvered correctly, New York’s junior Senator looks quite happy to substitute bubbly balls for hubby Bill...[more]

5. Speaking of Bubba, at Hillary’s 60th birthday bash, good ol' Bill revealed aspirations to star in Billy Crystal’s next movie. You’ll never believe who tested for the part of Marilyn Monroe...[more]
6. The downside of socialized medicine is revealed as Keith Richards, Patricia Routledge, and Christopher Timothy march to protest the consolidation of hospitals in southern England...[more]

7. After toying with the idea of running for president, popular Comedy Central star, Steve Colbert, begins stumping in his home state of South Carolina. Guess he skipped the ending of that popular Robin Williams movie, Man of the Year...[more]

That concludes this week's edition of Bastard Child. Tune in again next week for more spawn from around the globe.

The Top 10 Salient Celebrity Smackers

They’re bowed, blown-up, full, curled, lush, luscious, rounded, snarled and salacious. Portals of communication and objections of obsession. Curio chambers of lips, teeth, and gums. I’m talking about salient celebrity smackers.

Many have undergone surgical enhancement, but those that stand head and shoulders above the rest deserve mention. Not because they’re pumped or pouty, but because certain mouths just got it going on.

The qualities of a standout are hard to pinpoint. It can be as simple as the way a celebrity speaks, or a more subtle allure like a dart of the tongue. Some attract without effort while others are conscious acts of creation. Many have quested for the gold standard and failed. Britney’s recent foray into collagen enhancement proves the allure cannot be purchased. It’s the original package or what’s done with it that counts.

Note to readers: After publishing this article, many of the following videos were removed from YouTube. Their shells remain to display the captured title. Substitute videos appear below. We apologize for the complete lack of consideration of some "too full of themselves" individual. Now back to the original article.

With so many to choose from, I decided to take a stab at whittling it down to the top ten. Here are mine in reverse order:

10. Barbara Walters - When the late Gilda Radner donned her wig and journalists clothing, she became the epitome of this “wiving wegend.” “Baba” started her career with an almost imperceptible impediment that quickly became the most “pwonounced” joke in show business. Fantastic footage of the late Madeline Kahn as Marlena “Mahwena Deuschman” Dietrich is a hilarious bonus.

9. Holly Hunter - I’m obsessed with this Academy Award winner’s mouth because I can’t quite identify the impediment. It’s a lisp, it’s a hollow whistle, it’s a gentle shushing sound...it’s... completely fascinating. Also cannot ignore the right corner droop and killer southern accent. John Henson takes a jab at her trademark drawl, but Holly fights right back. Watch the end for an impressive impersonation of the late Katherine Hepburn.

8. Donald Trump - Best scene on The Apprentice ever. I don’t know how he speaks through those rounded protuberances, but it’s an exaggeration screaming for attention. More recent clips of The Donald show a toning down of the pouty puss. Hmmm... must not have enjoyed all those SNL parodies.

7. Dolly Parton - Before too much tweaking turned her into a cartoon version of bonkers on a stick, Dolly’s southern twang, lopsided bite, shushing "sss," and lower right corner droop mesmerized millions. Here’s a wonderful interview of a younger Dolly showing why she’s known as the gal with a heart of gold.

6. Alicia Silverstone - Asymetrical smile. Top right sneer. Lips that practically cover the entire bottom of her face. When Ms. Silverstone smiles, she reveals the entire length of her upper gums. The only other celebrity who can make that claim to fame is Mr. Ed.

5. Liv Tyler - A clip of Liv and her family at the Gotham Magazine launch party. It’s not so much the extraordinary shape and size of her lips as they way she purses them when she speaks. Each wonderful genuflect and tongue dart is captured here in fire engine red. Loved where she chose to caresses the magazine cover and her special send off at the end.

4. Cher - Before earning her Academy Award, Cher was a celebrated recipient of Harvard’s coveted hasty pudding pot. Check out the formerly perky cupid bow, famous tongue thrusts, renowned lip licks, and occasional cheek puff. Love those pre-collagen days.

3. Sylvester Stallone - The come hither sneer, the tongue dart, the two finger upper stance, the purse, the right corner droop. Rocky is in fine form here. This clip includes highlights from Sly’s latest flick, Rocky Balboa, and news of another franchise sequel.

2. Mick Jagger - Mick practically gets naked with Tina Turner at this Live Aid benefit. The highlight comes about 1:55 in. Additional lingual acrobatics follow, but not one of them tops the 1:56 freeze frame. Note the exquisite upper lip furl. One of the sexiest pouts this side of the pond, it’s no wonder Mick’s lips make headlines around the world.

1. Angelina Jolie - Pursing, pouting, smacking, licking, rubbing, tapping, you name it, these lips do it and more. In this revealing interview of the woman heralded as “Sexiest Woman Alive” and “One of the Fifty Most Beautiful People in the World,” Jolie’s mouth stretches the width of her wide set eyes and length of her tapered fingers. Look for the Shiloh sequel in years to come.

Honorable Mention: Brigitte Bardot, Drew Barrymore, Sandra Bernhardt, Geena Davis, Sophia Loren, Eddie Murphy, Julia Roberts, Garry Shandling, John Travolta, Steven Tyler, Alfre Woodard.

Gone But Not Forgotten: Marlon Brando, Sammy Davis, Jr., Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Anna Nicole Smith.

Update: Well, as Gilda Radner's famous character Rosanne Rosanna Dana used to say, "It's always something." Somebody came snooping around for "Holly Hunter mouth droop" and a whole slew of these videos magically disappeared from YouTube. Must be somebody pretty powerful and/or incredibly sanctimonious. I just hope they're proud of themselves.

This article took many many hours to put together just so, but they obviously don't care. The right emphasis on a celebrity's mouth, the perfect camera angle, and overall illustration of my impressions... all of this matters in supporting the points made here.

It's not as if the people or conglomerates with rights to the footage will ever find an acceptable business model to make money off of it. Okay, maybe they will, but it will be peanuts in comparison to the joy those videos bring. Those precious moments are lost forever, maybe never to reappear. Making YouTube delete otherwise unavailable camera footage is just plain wrong, copyright laws or not.

The next time whoever you are orders footage removed, will you kindly leave a link in my comments section to wherever the video is now available, if at all? At least that way people who are truly interested will still have a chance to footage of these spectacular pusses in action.

FYI, here are some substitute videos, but they don't do justice to the originals. But what's another ten hours shaved off of my life, eh?

HOLLY HUNTER


DOLLY PARTON


LIV TYLER


CHER
Sorry - post-collagen


SYLVESTER STALLONE


MICK JAGGER


ANGELINA JOLIE

Video: Ruben Alcantara - Etnies Grounded

I just found this behind the scenes video of Ruben's banger in the Etnies "Grounded" video.

Most of us know Ruben is a living legend in BMX. While most people his age are armchair athletes or invloved in much less dangerous activities, Ruben is nearing his mid-thirties and still out there killing it! I've heard a lot of people talking smack about his latest part in the Etnie's video but how soon we forget that he has been on the cutting edge for a while now and deserves everyones respect for being a BMX pioneer.

If you haven't seen Grounded yet get your copy here and witness this epic video crystal clear and on a real TV!

Anyways, this is the insane wallride and what it took to pull it off. Peep game.

Ruben's Bio on the Etnies Site
His Interview on the Etnies Site
His Fly Bikes Profile


Buy Grounded NOW!

And if you younger riders don't know what I mean by BMX "pioneer" re-watch this to get a refresher course.



Oh yeah, get out and Ride!

Video: Another Perspective

Q - What is the "BMX factor"?

A - The BMX factor is the spirit of life that you get while rollin' on 20's. It doesn't matter if you're riding rails or riding trails the feeling you get is beyond compare. The BMX factor is the indescribable sensation you get when you land a new trick or the simple enjoyment of rolling around town with bros.

BMX changes your outlook, enables creativity and , ultimately makes life more enjoyable.

A good place to start with my first post for BMX factor is this video - Another perspective.
It's been out for a while and most everyone has seen it but take a sec to watch it again... it's worth it.



"Another Perspective" by LoveCinema

LoveCinema MySpace

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal Back Together...Again

I wish these two would make up their minds. They're on. They're off. They're canoodling. They're not. Their reps confirm. Their reps have nothing to say. After a painful divorce, she needs to spend her free time with her children. He's a soul searching settling down kinda guy. She's not ready to bring him home to the kidlets. He's already planning a Thanksgiving homecoming.


Please. Somebody. Stop the madness. I have to get off.

Revel in the quirky chemistry. Trust again. Let the love vibes flow. Don't push too hard. Don't be so needy. Before fans can spurt "Gyllenspoon" all over the Internet, create something lasting. Make it work this time. Don't make me beg.

Call me a cock-eyed optimist, but I think there's more to these two crazy lovebirds than meets the eye.

Malibu Fires Send Mel Gibson Packing

I don't get it. Don't Malibu firemen understand that some stars don't need to be evacuated from encroaching flames?

Yep, it's true. The wildfires have spread to Malibu. However, unlike mere mortals, some people are more at home among the terrifying flames. Some, who have made pacts with you know who, truly relish the searing heat, attendant mayhem, and mind numbing destruction. Oh yes, there are a few.

To understand what I mean, take a good hard look at the subject matter of Mel's latest projects. Gore, torture, mutilation -- it's all there in living technicolor. When people begin to see Mel for who he really is -- a biggot spewing booze swilling hack with tons of money and no real friends to show for it -- they'll understand my disdain.

There are more important things in life than having gobs of money and a copious lifestyle. Like knowing when to keep yer trap shut. Mel must have missed that lesson. Probably too busy pitching whatever.

Steve-O Spotted Supporting New PETA Campaign

I’m not into the Jackass movies or their small screen progenitor, but can’t deny their popularity. One of the creative forces behind the mayhem, Steve "Steve-O" Glover, is a recent crossover to the blended netherworld of politicelebritopia.

I hope his participation in this PETA campaign draws much needed attention to senseless animal abuse. Otherwise, I couldn’t stomach the tats. Are those fur real? What some folks won’t do for free publicity and stuff.

Another saltier ad depicts Steve-O with salaciously steamy hot buns. Ah....sorry...I have a feeling Google wouldn't approve, so no reprint. Can't help but wonder whether the racier version should be credited to amazing camera work, frigid weather, or just a tiny tallywhacker.

Nobody Cares on October 23, 2007

I can't get my work done, my kid had an operation, the rented video is busted, and the downstairs toilet is not only stuffed up, but the flushing handle doesn't work.

Nobody cares.

Likewise, nobody cares about these culled tidbits from around the blogosphere:
1. J.Lo is preggers. Duh. Do we really need an announcement [ more...]?

2. After transmorgifying her image from this to this, we all know Tara Reid is just a washed up has been in bimbo's clothing. Everybody knows they're fake, dahling. Why bother with surgery when you have such a pretty face[ more...]?

3. Speaking of face, Britney changed some features of her own face the other day, then covered up to avoid the ever present paparazzi. Don't worry, Britney's mom, this too shall pass. [more...].

4. Eddie Izzard and Keifer Sutherland. Separated at birth? You be the judge [ more...].

5. Kim Kardashian continues to hang out in all the right places. After all, it was the woman's birthday. But why the body obsession? The more I read and see about Kim's tush and tiddies, the more I want to hurl. [ more...].

Well that's a wrap. And nobody cares.

Premiere of Reservation Road

Ew! What was she thinking? Even an Academy Award winning actress dressed in Balenciaga can't get away with creep-me-out clogs like that. So they're open toed...so what? I don't care if she is a big name star, she shouldn't have fired her stylist. In fact, her whole outfit is a refugee from Elvira's closet. Can you guess whose shoes?

Update: 10/28/07: Looks like I scooped the next November issue of People. Apparently, their editors also didn't like the outfit. Now that the star's been identified, I wish someone would be brave and post a response.

The Idiot Test

Ah...I'm revamping the site again. Don't think I'll stop until The Spewker has at least a thousand subscribers. At this rate, that might not be until the 2008 general election. Then again, the site could still be Beta next November. It's all a matter of timing, determination, and some je ne sais qua.

Never despair. Don't give up the ship. Yeah yeah. Right, then. As any newbie knows, getting the hang of this gig is no easy sport. Guess if it was so easy, everyone would be sitting at home scratching their underwear and pounding out a blog now, right?

Anywho, in the interests of keeping a good link, I'm crafting a little boat to float this bit of javascript. The "Idiot Test" shall have its very own article, by jingies. It's such a funny waste of time, I had to park it somewhere. So many others have gone by the wayside in my scramble to redesign.

Smarty pants me buzzed out when challenged to press the green button quickly. I may be smart, but quick I am not. I needed an idiot test to tell me that? Yeeesh.

Gala Movie Premiere

Recently seen on a newcomer at a ritzy titzy movie premiere. With mega watt co-stars in full view, she still managed to hold her own. Since no one seems to be taking a stab at these little guessing games, they're getting easier. I'm even including some of the background and a snippet of her fancy shmancy dress. Can you guess whose shoes? What about the movie?

Al Gore Vaporizes Hillary From Race

"I HAVE INVENTED FIE-YAH!"

Have a funnier caption? Something you'd like to spew? Make my day.

First Shots with 18-250

I've been so busy in the past month that I haven't had any free time to take photos. I stayed in Colorado this weekend and we had our first snowfall at my condo (elevation 7,000 ft). Caught these photos of a deer right across from my balcony. Photos shot with the K10 and the new 18-250mm lens. Focal length: 250mm; F/8.0 at 1/180 sec. No adjustments to image and no cropping.

Group Burial at Arlington Cemetery Emphasizes Need to Support Our Troops

On October 12, 2007, nine months after Iraqi enemy forces decimated their Black Hawk helicopter, the unidentifiable remains of twelve National Guard and Army troops received a group burial with military honors at Arlington Cemetery. It was the largest number of National Guard soldiers killed together since the start of the Iraqi War.

Hundreds of family members attended the ceremony. Couldn’t help but notice the remarkable similarities between one national tragedy defining a generation and another. Note the stoic faces of military, family members, and a young boy. A grieving widow positioned to the right of grieving parents. Even the two men in the back right corner bear an uncanny resemblance. Just substitute the skinny tie for sunglasses and vice versa.

Does the fame of one American family make the tragedy of ordinary people any less palpable or noteworthy? I think not. Like Kennedy, the brave men and women buried at Arlington took an oath to serve. They died in the line of duty for the greater good. The photograph of their families is just as iconic because it too captures a moment in United States history.

We Americans should be mindful of the difficulties suffered by our heroic troops and their families. We can show our appreciation for their sacrifices by penning letters, sending e-mails, or sponsoring a gift. Let’s put aside our political differences long enough to show our military we’re proud and we care.

I’m thinking macadamia nut double chocolate chip cookie care packages for Thanksgiving ought to do the trick.

October 12

On October 12 when our beloved President General (Mr.) Pervez Musharraf was celebrating the eighth anniversary of his reluctant coup d’etat in 1999 another Pakistani dictator of a much smaller scale was taking his final bow at the international stage. Yes, it was Inzimam ul Haq.

Although it is too soon to analyze his career with objectivity since most of us still have very fresh memories of his phenomenal achievements and his monumental failures. Despite his obvious imperfections, Inzi was one of the finest batting talents to have survived the Pakistani cricket system.

Batting records in brief:
Tests: 120 Matches, 8,830 runs at an average of 49.60.

ODIs: 378 Matches, 11,739 runs at an average of 39.52.

Career Summary:
Test debut: England v Pakistan at Birmingham, Jun 4-8, 1992
Last Test: Pakistan v South Africa at Lahore, Oct 8-12, 2007
ODI debut: Pakistan v West Indies at Lahore, Nov 22, 1991
Last ODI: Pakistan v Zimbabwe at Kingston, Mar 21, 2007
Only T20I: England v Pakistan at Bristol, Aug 28, 2006

For those of us who have had the pleasure of watching his entire career from the day he shot to international stardom when he played a wonderful knock in the 1992 World Cup finals, we would all agree that his career was full of match winning performances and he made Pakistan proud more often than most of his mates. As some critics knew him as the most under rated batsman of his time, most of his recognition came during the past 4 years when he was already past his cricketing prime. Unlike Lara and Tendulkar he always maintained a very low profile and was never the favourite cricketer for the international media. Personally I feel he could have scored a lot more runs than he did had he been a part of a more consistent stable cricketing unit.

Since Imran's retirement Pakistan cricket had a new captain literally every season starting from Javed Miandad, Wasim Akram, Salim Malik, Rameez Raja, Amar Sohail, Saeed Anwar, Moin Khan, Waqar Younis, Rashid Lateef and finally Inzi himself. There were so many in around eleven years that I might have missed a name here, bearing in mind that Wasim Akram had more than one opportunity to prove himself as captain. All the captains were thrown out by the team except for Inzi.

There were betting scandals and investigations which resulted in Saleem Malik and poor Ata-ur-Rahman being banned for life (Justice Qayyum was in-charge of the enquiry). There were disappointments when Pakistan lost to India in 1996 quarter finals, lost the 1999 final to Australia, got eliminated in the first round of 2003 where Inzi could only score 16 runs.

In 2003 everyone believed Inzi was done and it was time for him to disappear in to oblivion like so many other greats were forced to. But Inzi was re-born against an unlikely opponent Bangladesh where he scored a match saving century, Pakistan won the Multan test by merely 1 wicket, and fun as it may sound a good team should never have been in that situation against a week Bangladesh team in the first place. Inzi was soon made the Captain where he slowly grew in the role.

He was often criticized for being slow in his reactions as Captain. Inzi was now getting closer to religion and was an 'Islamizing' influence on the team and the whole team was often seen praying together before and after the match. Irrespective of all that he was the natural leader in that team which had no one who was even close to Inzi in experience and cricketing talent. Pakistan cricket seemed to have some sort of stability after a long time.

Then came the Oval test in August 2006 and Inzi came face to face with his biggest challenge, which surprisingly was not from an opposing cricketer but from an Umpire. Inzi stood his ground although he was miss-led by some but he came out on top when the ball tampering charges were over turned by the ICC and later on Darrell Hair was fired by the ICC's governing body for his inexplicable behaviour. Hair is down but not completely out as he is still fighting to get back to Umpiring. Inzi was never vindictive when he spoke about Hair and forgave him very quickly and moved on.

His lowest moment came during the 2007 world cup where he captained a historic defeat against Ireland and then had to deal with the messed up Jamaican police investigation into the death of coach Bob Woolmer. Inzi announced his retirement from ODI cricket after the match. The world cup performance was investigated and Inzi was termed as a 'dictator' in the report which stated that Chairman of the Board, Sheharyar Khan and coach Bob Woolmer had no decision making powers in Inzi's time, even if this was true I think it was the weakness of the Chairman and the Coach who let things be that way.

His desire to carry on with his test career and score 10,000 runs was not to be full filled and he had no choice but to enter into a 'deal' with the cricket board to play his final test against South Africa in Lahore and leave with his dignity in-tact and he did exactly that he also missed his final target of breaking Javed Miandad's national record for the most number of test runs. Inzi however, is well ahead of any Pakistan batsman in terms of ODI runs with 11,739 stands third on the all time list of run getters only behind Tendulkar and Jayasuria.

He was blamed for not allowing fresh talents into the team and sticking with his favourites even when they failed consistently. He was also the creator of the famous cricketing word 'Jaunsa' and we all used to look forward to his post-match comments, he was not the most articulate of men but definitely had a sense of humour.

He may not be a hero for everyone but he was a class act by any definition and will always be remembered for his contribution to Pakistan Cricket.

Inzi thanks for the memories!!

Road to Change for Pakistan II

I had a lot of feedback from my friends in response to my blog titled 'Road to Change for Pakistan' posted on 26 September 2007. After reading my blog Mr. Hussain Haqqani 'moderately enlightened' me by forwarding his article on democracy and in the spirit of 'National Reconciliation' with his permission I have decided to reproduce his article on the blog page, so that his views can be fully communicated. Views in the following article are those of Mr. Haqqani and I am putting them forward without any comments, therefore, I can not be held liable in anyway.

"Myths About Democracy by Hussain Haqqani
(Published in The Nation (Pakistan), Indian Express and Gulf News in October 2002.)

As Pakistanis vote in their sixth general election in 17 years, it is pertinent to ask the reasons for democracy’s failure in the country. Since Field Marshal Ayub Khan’s coup d’etat in 1958, the Pakistani establishment has perpetuated certain myths about why its steadying hand is essential to Pakistan’s survival. Ayub started the practice of revising textbooks and drilling in a specific version of history. The Ministry of Information, too, was Ayub’s creation. The control over textbooks and information flow has helped many otherwise erudite people to accept the establishment’s myth making as fact. The conduct of politicians and the illiteracy of the poor peasants, rather than the establishment’s desire to control the political sphere are widely considered the reason for the weakness of Pakistani democracy. Some of the common myths, the truth about them:

“Democracy cannot function with low literacy levels”. None of the world’s democracies started out with universal literacy. Enfranchising the masses gave them the power to demand literacy in most countries. The demand that only people who know how to read and write should be able to vote has often been used by elite groups to disenfranchise the masses. Blacks in the American South were denied registration as voters through literacy conditions until civil rights legislation in the 1960s. Literacy among blacks and women has increased since they got the vote. Elected governments in India’s West Bengal and Kerala states achieved high literacy rates and currently Bangladesh is improving its literacy rate under democracy. Pakistan, on the other hand, has failed to improve its literacy rate under authoritarian regimes. If authoritarianism was just a temporary measure until universal literacy is achieved, why have Pakistan’s military regimes failed to improve literacy rates? Pakistan and India started out in 1947 with literacy rates of 16 and 18 percent respectively. India now has 62 percent literacy compared with only 38 or 50 percent for Pakistan (depending on whose figures you believe). How did the authoritarian structure, backed by urban and migrant professionals, fall farther behind the democratic one?

“Democracy cannot work under a feudal system”. Western democracies started out under feudal systems but, over time, democracy influenced the system of production and caused the diminution of the former feudal barons. If the military had been serious about eliminating feudalism, it would have done so in its 27 years in power. On the contrary, each military regime in Pakistan has cultivated the feudal influential to offset the influence of populist politicians. Ayub Khan appointed the Nawab of Kalabagh as the Governor of West Pakistan to control the movement for democracy. Yahya Khan’s cabinet included feudal civilians. General Zia encouraged ‘biradari’ and feudal politics to keep the PPP out of power. And now General Musharraf’s political allies are also the land-owning families of the Punjab. The argument against feudalism is only used as a rallying cry for the urban intelligentsia, which would otherwise find military dictatorship unacceptable. The landowning traditional politicians have lost ground to middle class candidates in virtually every election held in Pakistan. Historically, only one out of seven pre-Ayub Khan prime ministers came from the landowning class. While several prominent politicians in the rural areas are landowners, they are more responsive to their rural voters than urban professionals eager to leave the country for better-paid jobs. As for dynastic politics, it is a function of name recognition and political tradition. A family that regularly puts up candidates in elections whether feudal or not becomes a political dynasty. India has its Nehru-Gandhis, Sri Lanka its Bandaranaikes, the United States its Kennedys and Bushes, and Britain its Churchills. Just because Pakistan’s salaried class cannot find a way of running for and winning electoral offices does not mean that mythic arguments about feudalism and dynastic politics (usually advanced by Pakistani military officers, civil servants, doctors, engineers and bankers) should trump Pakistan’s need for a normal, constitutional system of governance and politics.

In any case, political processes in most countries start with feudal domination and, over time, make way for a more middle class leadership. Most of Pakistan's founding fathers would fall under the catch-all phrase ‘feudal;’ Most of them belonged to the landed gentry and held titles conferred by the British. British and U.S. politics a century ago reflected the influence of landowners in a rural milieu. As rural populations declined, so did the influence of the rural landlords. Not all landowners are feudals, any way. Democracy is the way out of feudal domination, over time. Manipulation by anti-democratic technocrat-professional elites and military intervention do little to end feudal influence.


“The Military steps in when politicians fail”. General Yahya’s coup d’etat in 1969, following ten years of Field Marshal Ayub Khan’s dictatorship, is enough to prove this claim wrong. The military steps in when its chief nurses ambition for power otherwise power would be transferred according to the constitution. It is interesting to note that General Zia and Musharraf both claim to have taken over reluctantly, in spontaneous coups. But in both cases evidence exists of prior planning. Admiral Faseeh Bokhari, who resigned as Naval chief a few days prior to the October 1999 coup, has now gone on the record to state that he resigned because he did not want to be part of the coup. According to him, the coup was being planned long before the drama involving his plane trip back from Sri Lanka.

The politicians alleged failures are the excuse, not the reason for military coups in Pakistan. In any case, democracy weeds out the failings of politicians over a period of time. None of the weaknesses attributed to Pakistani politicians – lack of compromise, corruption, patronage, and non-adherence to rule of law – are unique to this country. All democracies have gone through bad governance at one point or another. Constitutional continuity and deference to the people’s wishes rather than arbitrary constitutional changes and military diktat is the democratic answer to misgovernance.

“Pakistan’s political parties are personality cults. Their weakness weakens democracy; Pakistan had two large national parties in 1958, the conservative Muslim League and the progressive Awami League. Ayub Khan split the Muslim League to create his own faction, when he needed a party for himself. General Zia engineered a similar division in the party. The PML has been split since then, primarily due to behind-the-scenes machinations of the intelligence services. If democracy were allowed to function without these attempts to control or fix it, perhaps the tradition of broad-based political parties with internal democracy would have continued to flourish.

“Pakistani politics is characterized by horse-trading. How can there be a democracy in an environment of horse-trading”. Horse-trading started under the pre-martial law regime of Maj. General Iskander Mirza and continued under Ayub Khan and General Zia. The covert operations of the intelligence services during the last ten years forced shifting of political loyalties as attempts were made to destabilize elected governments. Recently, General Musharraf’s regime has used inducements to force politicians to change loyalties while creating the PML-QA. Bargaining and give-and-take is part of any political system. But horse-trading, as Pakistan knows it today is a gift of the military’s political interventions.


“Civilian rulers have been more authoritarian and corrupt”. Under Ayub Khan, the press was totally controlled and the opposition was denied breathing space. Nawab Kalabagh had Jamaat-e-Islami leader Maulana Maududi fired upon. An assassination attempt on opposition politician Abdul Baqi Baloch resulted in the death of a journalist traveling with him. General Yahya’s regime practiced such brutal repression in then East Pakistan that it opted to become Bangladesh. Oppression of the opposition, especially the PPP, under General Zia’s regime was severe and widespread. The repressive tactics often associated with Mr. Z.A. Bhutto were all a continuum of the Ayub era. Mr. Bhutto’s mistake was to carry forward the preceding military regime’s methods, not inventing new ones. But over the years the establishment has kept discussion of the civilians’ errors alive while concealing those of its generals. The same is true of corruption. Corruption of civilian regimes, though deplorable, is used by the military to justify its own political ventures. But the establishment does not allow open discussion or debate of the corruption of its own. In any case, corruption in most civilized nations is dealt with by law not by overthrowing the legally established order.

“Pakistan’s political governments have all been disasters”. Pakistan only surplus budgets came under civilian governments before 1958. The Zulfikar Ali Bhutto regime, despite its flaws, opened the doors for economic prosperity for millions by opening travel opportunities for all Pakistanis. (Until the first Bhutto government, obtaining a passport was a nightmare). Mohammed Khan Junejo laid the foundations of a free press. Beazer Bhutto's’ first government paved the way for the communications revolution by opening the market for pagers, cellular phones and CNN transmission. Nawaz Sharif’s first administration seriously started privatization. Benazir Bhutto’s second government eliminated polio. But none of these achievements are discussed because the establishment constantly hammers home the obvious faults of the civilian regimes while hiding the military regimes’ weaknesses. Gen. Ayub Khan introduced the political culture of intimidating opponents. Gen. Yahya Khan presided over the break up of Pakistan. Gen. Ziaul Haq introduced Kalashnikov culture and Islamist militancy. Gen. Musharraf’s three years in power have seen a ten- percent rise in the number of those living below the poverty line.

“The military is Pakistan’s institution of last resort”. It need not be so. Pakistan's judiciary started crumbling when the military advised then Chief Justice Munir to support Governor General Ghulam Mohammed against the constituent assembly in 1954. Ayub and Zia both pressured judges to give verdicts of their choice. General Musharraf, too, has sought legitimacy from a Supreme Court he reconstituted after his military takeover. Elsewhere in the world, institutions evolve because they are allowed to function without interference. In Pakistan, the judiciary and the civil service have been consistently subject to military directives while the legislature has never been taken seriously since the ascendancy of the executive was established under Ayub Khan."

Ann Coulter Savaged for Bashing Jews and Judaism

The Britney Spears of the conservative movement, a blemish on the face of “kinder, gentler, compassionate conservatism.” A Connecticut anorexic in King Arthur’s Court. A transvestite refugee from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So refers Michael Savage from his beleaguered talk show fest, The Savage Nation, to none other than Ms. Ann Coulter.

Wow. The shark turning against one of its own, such a rarity in politics (wink). Then again, I can always count on Savage to speak his mind, not his party line. Problem is, sometimes he goes a tad too far. Last night’s rebroadcast was no exception.

It all started on Monday when Coulter appeared on Donny Deutsch's CNBC show, The Big Idea. Seemingly out of nowhere, Coulter began a spew against Jews. Her anti-Semitic vitriol rankled Savage so badly, he devoted more than half of yesterday’s broadcast lambasting and pummeling Coulter into dog meat. To add insult to injury, all but one of his callers received a tongue-lashing for failing to echo his outrage. One allegedly Orthodox Jew said he didn’t see Coulter’s comments as anti-Semitic because she only parroted the fundamental Christian doctrines she was raised to believe. Savage ordered him to “grow some balls,” warning he would be one of the first people tortured in a Polish pogrom. Yes, old Mike was in rare form.

So, what exactly did Coulter say? Mmmm, basically that Jews are imperfect beings because they don’t believe Jesus was/is the messiah, and that America would be a better place if all Americans were Christians. But don’t rely on a paraphrase. Read for yourself Coulter’s final attempt to worm her way out of the point of no return:


I have to say, I was slightly offended when Coulter insinuated women should lose the right to vote because they elect Democratic presidents. But this latest bit of Jew baiting is downright unseemly. Not selling enough books, so let’s whip up a media frenzy by picking on the "purple state" Jewish host of a niche cable program. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Bad publicity is better than no publicity, or so they say. Too bad Coulter didn’t get the memo about the bigot exception. Her obvious bias against Jews is too palpable to ignore. The inevitable reaction of a closet Klanner desperate to plug a book destined for the dusty dollar bin.

Ann, darling, your 15 minutes is up. Make sure not to trip as you step off the stage. Ooops, too late.

Savage was right to be outraged. Ann should get the hook, the quicker the better. My problem with Savage arose later in the program. After advocating for harmonious understanding and peaceful co-existence between Jews and Christians, Savage blasted some priest for ministering to homosexuals. Taking up the cause of one vulnerable population only to beat down another struck me as hypocritical and self-serving. A real turn off that dulled his message about Coulter, to say the least.

If Savage intends to use his talk show to make the world a better place, as he claims, then he should try harder to fake a social conscious. Or at least save the gay bashing for a different broadcast.

Politicelebritopia Round-Up for October 11, 2007

The line separating politicians and celebrities so often becomes blurred. As they cross into each others' realms, mongrel spawn are born. Round-up from this past week includes:

1. John Edwards’s fundraising woes may not be the only thorn in the side of his campaign. Readers are furiously kicking down a storm at The HuffPo...[more]

2. Blue bloods can’t relate to the face of St. John. This big name celeb is about to have more time to indulge in pet political causes...[more]

3. A fictional Norwegian reporter lobbed pretty provocative interview questions at NY City Councilman James Oddo. His tirade now plays to critical acclaim on YouTube...[more]

(warning: video contains graphic language, viewer discretion advised)

4. A how to guide about halting the Hillary Express is a crash course for presidential hopefuls in future Democratic debates. John Dickerson of Slate provides thoughtful insight...[more]

5. And, in what can only be charitably referred to as a publicity stunt, the Bush administration goes to bat for a confessed rapist and murderer. I think the American people are being punked. Did I mention the guy is an illegal Mexican immigrant?...[more]

That concludes this week's issue of Bastard Child. Tune in again next week for more mongrel spawn from around the globe.

Britney Spears Outing Makes Neighborhood "Unsafe"

What a spectacle! Suffice it to say, my life is a bed of roses compared to this celeb's. I cannot imagine how Britney continues to cope, or for that matter, even function. After feasting my eyes on this papafrenzi outing, knowing full well her recent custody litigation set backs, is it any wonder this woman is drugged out and estranged?



Thank goodness Jamie Lynn didn't take "No" for an answer. I heard she and big bro were turned away last week at the manse after trying to stage an intervention. Perhaps Ms. Herownworstenemy is now willing to accept a helping hand, what with the myriad of problems threatening to destroy both her and her career. Judging by this video, if Britney hasn't yet hit rock bottom, she's pretty darn close.

Is Brit turning tony Malibu into trailer park trash? Probably. But have a heart, wicked neighbor, so bold to scold about the safety of your precious neighborhood or lack thereof. Where is your compassion? Your less fortunate neighbor is suffering a very public meltdown. Her parents are unable to deal. Even The Donald's unsolicited offer of assistance languishes unheard.

The unbelievable part of this whole surreal saga is the magnitude of paparazzi trailing Britney's every move. She breaks a fingernail and it's news. Like a merciless tsunami refusing to recede, the constant crush of bodies must be overwhelming and exhausting. As I've previously noted in support of yet another overexposed embattled tart, life in the flash bulbs isn't a walk in the park. Fame comes with a heavy price.

Say what you will, but I have gobs of empathy for those less capable of navigating the fray. I never thought I would say this, but

"Leave Britney alone!"

If anyone is more deserving of scorn, it's the gaggle of vermin marring a sunny California morning with their incessant flashes and clicks. The popping and whirring noises alone would drive me insane. Is it really so difficult to sidestep these bottomfeeders? I must conclude Ms. Malibu Hag lacks a certain amount of coordination and civility. You know the type. Prefers a stationary bike to more challenging activity and hates to send or receive holiday cards. Bah. Humbug.

Can't help but note the irony of Ms. Hag's public tantrum. As boomeranging slings and arrows rained down upon her $3.5 million beachfront noggin (which these days only buys something akin to a shack), she unwittingly brought the papanazzi to Britney's defense. It's a sad day in Tinseltown when one's biggest protectors are the same people making life so unberable. Then again, nothing in el Lay surprises me. Not even when a morning stroll about town deteriorates into fodder for tabloids.

New Line Cinema 40th Anniversary Gala

Celebs who've chowed down at the trough of New Line Cinema (and some who haven't) clamoured about at the studio's 40th Anniversary Gala this past Friday in New York City. Don't know why this newcomer didn't get the "no white shoes after Labor Day" memo, but suspect it may be the weather. Here in Baltimore, we've been enduring 80+ degree days with no end in sight. As our weather goes, so usually does the Big Apple's.

The black toe polish contrast with summery peekaboos is a real hoot. Anyone care to guess whose shoes?

Blurring the Line Between Politics and Celebrities

Regular readers of The Spewker know its main focus is politics and celebrities. Bashing those who choose to lead life in the public eye is one of my favoritie pastimes. Throw in a dusting for the media and my day is complete.


Thanks HollyScoop for creating a video that allows me to shpling one big loogger at all three. For starters, your host, Bridget Daley, needs a better hair stylist. That "too much combed over straight" look bit the dust in the 80's. Her side part makes her face look pretty fat, if that is even possible. This woman looks so unsightly, it actually distracted me from paying attention to the video. So much for Internet journalism.

Secondly, just because Brad Pitt says fellow actor and friend, George Clooney, has his vote for President, doesn't mean Gorgeous George should throw his hat in the ring. What a dumb segment! Could the line between politicians and celebrities become any more murky? Everytime I turn around, it's politicians becoming more like rock stars and celebrities thinking they can run the world. Honestly, sometimes I think I am living in a Twilight Zone episode in overdrive. Is there another way out?

Ummm, people, in case you've forgotten, we Americans have about twelve more weeks before Election 2008 really heats up. Any one of the declared presidential candidates could become the nominee for their respective parties. I beg to differ that "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" is the de facto Democratic candidate in the general election. Are we Democrats going to let the media decide which candidate we choose to run for our highest political office?

Sure, after eight years of Dubya, I can understand why hardly anyone wants a Republican back in the White House. But people in this country don't seem too fond of old "Billary" either. Her top fundraising status is not a deciding factor for me and shouldn't be for anyone else. We should support the candidate with the best resume, not the one with the most polished media image. There are other amazingly good candidates in the race who the media ignores. More about this in a later article.

America's apparent dissatisfaction with the front runners doesn't mean we should toot Mr. Clooney as a write-in. He may be very well meaning and know the location of Darfur, but presidential material he isn't. Even my 12 year old knows the difference between an actual politician and a celebrity who plays one on TV. Why doesn't HollyScoop?

Election 2008

Finally. Truth in advertising on the Democratic ticket.

Have a funnier caption? Something you'd like to spew? Make my day.

American Idols Concert Live

It's been two weeks since the kidlets and I trudged downtown to catch the last leg of the American Idols Live tour across America. An early purchase of floor seats lived up to the hype, although we did get somewhat pushy to be up close and personal. Thanks ever so to the white haired guard in gray.

Met their backup singer, Charlotte, outside after the show. This woman is really amazing and should not be singing backup. Charlotte says she's not ready to be mobbed by "50,000 fans everywhere" she goes, but I suspect there are other reasons afoot. All I can say is, Charlotte, hon, it's your time to shine.

No need to write a review, as I see someone from an earlier stop beat me to the punch. Photo creds go to my daughter, Arielle. You go, girl.

Not her best shot, but a good overview of the group.

Here, they've captured enthralled fans on an overhead screen.
Jordan entertained on guitar and asked us to pray for her grandmom who was sick. Hope she is out of the hospital by now.
Loved how she stood out in this outfit. Did not like a lot of her song selections. Hopefully, young Jordan will procure the services of a better manager. The kid has real talent.

Chris was unbelievably hot and rocked the place silly.

He and Blake were the real show stoppers. Be still my heart.

Haley didn't get much face time. Her numbers were good, but nothing to write home about.
Gina, you deserved a spot in the final three.
Not Sanjaya's sexiest, although he did come out in a tight red pants number bringing on the Elvis. Yes, the boy has a presence. Are you listening, Calvin Klein?

Sligh and Lakisha were also standouts. I hear Lakisha is now on Broadway working with Idols winner Fantasia in The Color Purple. And I eh yi eh yi will always love you ew ew ooo ew...
Under rated Phil brought home the bacon in a number dedicated to the U.S. armed forces.
Here's Phil again in a hot cowboy number.


This is the only shot of Melinda. A cute little group number. Sorry, but they didn't give her enough face time either.

Nice group shot of the final number. All in all, we had a great time. Just sorry we couldn't get backstage for autographs. Don't think I didn't try. Maybe next time 'round.

Divine Fingerprints on the Highway of Life

You: An inattentive tractor trailer driver lumbering down the inner loop of I695 at approximately 7:25 a.m. this morning.

Me: A groggy stop and go driver trying to conserve on the gas. Pangs of road rage flick in my gut. Just four more exits and I'll be home. Already missing the 17-year old daughter I dropped off at the airport. Hate getting up so early, but a cheap flight is worth the dent in my zzzzs.

You: Someone who deserves to be strung upside down by your lousy ankles until a rush of blood infuses your tired pea brain. How can You yak on your cell while navigating something so gimungous in stop and go traffic? A tad too dangerous for my liking, but You don’t seem to mind. A trucking company must be truly desperate to hire an irresponsible imbecile such as You. Too bad I didn’t get a chance to jot down your plate.

Me: Gripping the steering wheel, trying to limit the brake and accelerate as I navigate the merge from I70 east. The pass lane is still the fastest, but not by much. Debating whether to switch a lane to the right. If I can just get past exit 21, everything should be fine.

SUDDENLY, out of nowhere, You jackknife. Burning tire rubber fills the clear morning air. Only a subtle zig from the car in front alerts to the oncoming onslaught. Swerve left just in the nick of time. So does the car behind. Heart skips a beat (or two… maybe three). Am I still breathing? I slam on the horn, not that it matters. When a truck that big jackknifes your way, no amount of blare can save your sorry hump. How lucky to have a wide berth of shoulder to my left. In a more narrow section of the beltway, the van would be smashed like a pancake, no side airbags to protect from the massive concrete guardrail. I could have been toast.

You: Still yakking away on your squibbly little phone. I speed up to pass by and throw You the evil eye. Glaring up, I wonder if our worlds had collided on the stretch between exits 17 and 20, would You have chucked the phone? I suppose You were absent on the day trucker school taught the nuances of stop and go. It requires more attention than your cell, you cretin. You don't deserve to share my road. An insect on the highway of life, go back into the self obsessed hole from which you crawled. Relinquish your license to truck. You are a dangerous pathetic little man.

Me: Incredibly grateful to have emerged unscathed. A two second distraction could have irrevocably shattered my life. A prayer of thanks escapes my lips. I know to who. There are no coincidences. Divine fingerprints litter the earth. In those split seconds between escape and death, I feel their spark. No thanks to You, scurvy scum obliviously barreling down the highway of life behind ten tons of steel. I hope You read this and recognize yourself for the scumbag that You are. I hope You get hit with a massive phone bill for all your unnecessary yapping. I hope your tires pop from all the rubber You burned. Maybe then someone else’s life will be saved, like mine was on a small stretch of I695.