I'm Baa-aack, Again, for Now

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how many visitors peruse this blog despite the fact it has been dormant since last July, and before that, for two years. In a way, I feel badly for people dropping by to read old gossip/news. What on earth must they be thinking?

Well gee, duh, I thought Aniston got dumped over three years ago already? Olympic speedo? Aren't the Olympics next year? How embarrassing.

Then again, it's not like I'm doing anything to drive page views. I gave up on that a long time ago. I guess I should be happy there are mechanisms in place to drive page views without any input, but I don't. Mostly, I feel plain old guilty, like I should still be updating this blog to offer people something fresh after a taste of staleness. But what to offer? The same old celebrity politics? Blogger musings? Pithy reviews?

I gave up on my dream of becoming a fulltime celebrity gossip queen after sampling a bit of the work environment and realizing it wasn't for me. Who can keep track of the lives of all these famous people, let alone spell their names right? I have problems just pronouncing their names. Heaven forbid I should fumble their name in an interview.

And the climate is so back-stabbingly competitive. Sometimes, I found myself plotting revenge scenarios over the least little slight. I thought being a lawyer was bad, but you should see how people vying for celebrity access treat one another. Better yet, you should see how celebrity handlers treat people vying for access. It's downright humiliating. I can't tell you how many times I was forced into paparazzi mode just to be able to fire off a question or two or shoot a video. Or how many times I called ahead for press credentials only to be denied access for lack of name recognition.

Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Stick-Up-Her-Butt, I didn't know I had to work for Vanity Fair or Vogue to get a press pass to your event, but don't you think you could squeeze me in, just this once? I'm only one little old person and I don't take up much space. You'll hardly know I'm there.

Click.

After a while, I thought what's the use of trying? I mean, it's not like I was paid a fortune to write these pieces. And yes, I can still spend hours culling the news for article fodder, but I no longer hunger for the dream, if you know what I mean. It's not as if it will ever lead to something amazing.

So, if I do continue updating this blog, it would only be as a hobby. And who has time for that?

Well, surprisingly enough, me. I do have a little free time on my hands, so why the heck not? I may not write as insightfully and meaningfully as I did before, but I can still rant about the state of the union or skewer targets in the public eye.

Besides, it seems like such a shame to let all this good blog traffic go to waste, not to mention wasting the possibility of finally having Google Ads pay out. I'm more than halfway there. With a heaping helping of elbow grease and your continued patronage, I can almost smell that $100 check at my door.

New Cartoon Strip and Internet Radio Show Are Eating up All My Free Time

So much has happened since my last post to this blog. I really don't know where to start. I think I may start to ramble. Please pardon the disconnect.

Before I begin, let me just say how very encouraged I am by the number of visitors "The Spewker" has continued to receive in my absence. Despite the lack of updates for well over 18 months, readers from all over the world continue to visit this site and read my articles. I think it's a testament to the time and effort invested in trying to make this site part of something bigger and better. For all of your past and future patronage, I am eternally grateful.

Feel free to continue to drop by, post comments, and follow outside links. Just a side note about comments: don't post comments that advertise other sites but have no relevance to my articles. None of them will make it past moderation. I'm a stickler about staying true to the real purpose of comments and would never shill my own blog on someone else's site other than to note a true connection.

Now, getting back to me (yes, it is always about me, isn't it?) ... I have finally come to realize that The Spewker was not meant for anything greater than it has already become. My experience with Examiner was also awesome and wonderful in its own way, but that too is now in my past. The time has come to move on.

Not that any of it was a waste of time, mind you. Learning by doing is one of the greatest experiences anyone can ever have. Rather than listening to some seminar guru drone on about how to get from point A to point B, I've had the opportunity to learn first hand what worked and what didn't. In the process, I've become a viral marketing and social networking expert of sorts, and that is valuable training I could never receive from a book or by sitting in a classroom.

If you have the time and ability to live on the fly (because you'll be earning next to nothing if you decide to do this), I highly recommend the trial and error approach for those with viable talent who want to promote themselves online. Justin Bieber did it, and to some extent, so did Colbie Caillat. Now they're living the dream. As the saying goes, cream will rise to the top. It's just a matter of determining whether you have the cream before you start plugging away.

In that regard, I think I've got cream. I write, I draw, I create. I'm also fairly original, although I do keep a pulse on what resonates and what doesn't, then try to create something in the same vein yet different. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Blogging is great and I love the connections I have made online, but obviously I'm looking for more than just Google Ad revenue. I want to be an entertainer. Finally, I think I'm on to something and that's why I'm updating "The Spewker" after an 18-month-plus absence.

This will be (I hope) my last update. Celebrities and politics don't mix, and when they do, it's a recipe for utter disaster. Serious matters are not meant to be treated frivolously. If there's anything I've learned from my Spewker and Examiner experiences, it's that.

Look for me at my new blog, "Reckons of Crass Construction." It's only a month old and already it's becoming a good outlet from views and opinions I could never express at "The Spewker." I'm also using the blog as a launching pad for my latest projects, two fledgling ideas that recently coalesced into coherent and concrete material.

The first is a comic strip I've decided to call "Reality Whore" because what better name for a situation comedy where people will do anything to become rich and famous, even prostitute themselves in the process? I update the strip about once a week (give or take), but still haven't named the two main characters. Yes, I'm open for suggestions. So far the strip has received some pretty positive feedback. I hope the positive continues and that you'll help the strip reach a wider audience by sharing it with friends.

The second project is a half hour news talk comedy program on BlogTalkRadio called "Trivialization of the News." Our third episode will air this Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:00 p.m. EST, and I would love feedback from anyone who happens to read this post or drops by our page. Co-host RafiT and I joke about interesting news headlines in a loose compilaton of odd news, Baltimore news, national news, and celebrity gossip. We also run a weekly contest where we give away a free flag T-shirt to the first person with the correct answer. Last month it was a "Who Said It?" contest. This month, I think we'll change it to movie or TV trivia. Almost anything can happen during the broadcast and generally does. Again, we've received some encouraging feedback about the show. Feel free to weigh in or call during the broadcast for a chance to win the free T-shirt.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm keeping "The Spewker" up because one never knows what may happen. I may need this platform for some other crazy idea I decide to launch. But I hope not. The greatest gift to me would be seeing all of your smiling faces over at "Reckons of Crass Construction" where I'll be blogging my little heart out, at least for the foreseeable future.

Until then, stay sharp and keep on connecting.

Meet the New Baltimore Celebrity Examiner

Honestly, I was hoping to avoid this. Don't you just hate when you visit a blog expecting to find good stuff and instead there's this final article? A final article directing you somewhere else?

Yeah, I hate that too. Which is why I've been holding off doing this. But the truth is, I shouldn't have waited so long.

It's become too difficult to write for The Spewker and my page at Examiner.com. For that reason, this blog has been temporarily suspended effective immediately. I may eventually come to regret this decision, but time constraints leave me no other choice.

Look at it this way, I'll still be doing juicy celebrity dish, original celebrity interviews, and reporting the Baltimore-Washington celebrity scene ... just not from here. At least not for now. Maybe when life becomes less hectic and there's more time I'll be back. Could happen. Don't rule it out.

In the meantime, The Spewker will continue to publish Twitter updates and new videos from time to time, but yeah, the blog has moved here.

The Baltimore Celebrity Examiner. Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?

She's Got Election 2008 Coverage Eyes

Dateline nprbloggers:

Where in the world is CherylT? Live blogging the election, silly. I'll be there all day. So, click and refresh, refresh, refresh.

It's going to be a bumpy night.

Live Blogging Election 2008 Direct from NPR Studios

Dateline nprbloggers nprbloggers

Woo-hoo! It's official. The Spewker will be live blogging the presidential election direct from NPR World Headquarters in Washington, D.C. on election night. And I couldn't be any more excited!!

Okay. That's not exactly true. I could be more excited. For instance, I could start jumping on the couch and screaming at the top of my lungs about how much I love a country that lets an obscure unheralded blogger like me play political pundit on the most important night of the year. But then, what's the point? Pulling a Tom Cruise is already so done and tired it's cliche. Besides, it's no fun to go completely bonkers without a live audience to appreciate the level to which I could completely lose it.

I don't think my little family qualifies as an audience. Not yet, anyway.

So, join me here in this very spot on election night. Bookmark it if you have to. This article will be regularly updated beginning at approximately 8:00 p.m. on November 4th and continuing until they've called a winner. I'll have all the election news that's fit to print and maybe some that isn't. You might laugh. You might cry. You might even see a wee bit of video.

Because live blogging is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Nov 4th 12:23 a.m. - Drat. I may not be able to sleep tonight. My inbox is brimming with press information, NPR World Headquarters PR, NPR correspondent bios, guest blogger guidelines, specs on next day coverage, and quite frankly, my head is spinning.

Going over everything now to avoid having a cow on my way to Union Station. Or maybe I'll drive in and take my chances with parking. Can't be any worse than the 4th of July.

For anyone tuning in early, you won't believe all the social media these NPR people have cobbled together. An election blog, a streaming Twitter report, an unverified voter reporting map, a voting problems aggregator, and an extremely impressive press room wiki -- I'm still navigating all the links.

Wow! CurrentTV is also covering the election using VoteReport. Their program starts at 9 a.m. That's less than nine hours away! Advocacy groups, news reporters, and anyone with a gripe about the election can tune in early and monitor these reports, hopefully do something to fix any broken situation rather than just sit there and grumble.

I can see it now. By the time I reach NPR Headquarters, I'll be running on pure adrenaline. One hundred twenty people doing live coverage with live mikes broadcasting our every word, sniffle, and sound bite. OMG!

I can't wait.

2:35 a.m. - I just found the coolest vote tracking map ever. It's interactive. Can't wait to see how it tracks the returns. Just one caveat: It's from FoxNews. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2:58 a.m. - Dixville Notch, NH is the first jurisdiction to register a win for Obama-Biden. With 100% turnout, no less. Hoo-ah! FoxNews map hasn't changed one iota.

Come on, peeples. Get out there and vote!!

2:00 p.m. - Still haven't left Baltimore. My scheduled dentist appointment took longer than I thought. Such a pity too. These lovely ladies were standing outside of a local elementary school willing to give rides to the polls.

Sadly, I didn't get their video up in time. The free rides ended at 1:00 p.m. But these women are such a dedicated bunch, I decided to give them the extra recognition they deserve.

Doing my part, however ineptly.

Earlier today I happened upon my friend and relative Greg G. Greg is shaking up the election with his own exit poll at Pikesville Senior High (video to post a little later). Follow Greg's unique election coverage with video, live updates, and news at Baltimore Jewish.com.

4:30 p.m. - Leaving for D.C (finally)! Just might miss traffic if I hurry up. Darn computer. Needs disk space, no time to compress. YouTube video of Sandy Rosenberg hot off the presses (finally). Oh no. Must be a conspiracy. Even YouTube is against me. The video didn't load. At least that's what my YouTube account is showing.

Taking an additional laptop to NPR just in case my world weary steed won't free up ram. Crossing all body parts. Wishing for the best.

Approx. 6:30 p.m. - Dateline: NPR studios. I've arrived. Only took about two hours down the parkway in intermittent rain. And the most confusing split in Massachusetts Avenue right where the NPR building stands. Let's just say, I'm lucky to have set up and to have made it here on time.

Still getting to know my table, a small set up in the corner of the room. Mostly comprised of NPR employees. In the middle sit the majority of tonight's bloggers, a fine mix of tech, politics, and social media. But since I'm trying to work off two computers at the same time, I thought it best not to take up too much extra space.

On the way over the radio talking heads debated The Fairness Doctrine, early voting in Maryland, exit poll returns, etc. Polls are closing in some key states. According to the TV news Obama seems to be leading in Kentucky, "very very early in the game." But don't let that discourage all you McCain supporters. According to Fox News, democracy requires that everybody vote. Hurry up! In some parts of the country you still have time.

Most of the TV and radio pundits are saying the election turning point was the September meltdown of Wall Street. But I disagree. I say it was McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as running mate. Good for Conservatives, bad for Independents and disaffected Democrats. At one point in this election I could have gone either way, but with the selection of Palin, well, that was the final straw.

Appx. 7:00 p.m. - They're starting to call Kentucky for McCain. But still too early, although about 8,000 votes are in. Vermont called (again early) for Obama. If so, McCain now leads in the electoral college.

Mark Warner projected winner in Virginia for U.S. Senate.

Appx. 7:45 p.m. - Just came back from the studio tour given by Amy Schriefer of All Songs Considered. Three people at a time, I wanted to be one of the first volunteers. Hopefully, if I ever get today's Sandy Rosenberg video to load, I'll have whatever video I was able to get of the studio posted.

Ah, finally (fer real this time). Ladies and gentlemen, Delegate Sandy Rosenberg:

Appx 8:00 p.m. - Yes we can!! NPR just called a slew of states for Obama. Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, Illinois, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, and D.C. They are saying that Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida are must wins for McCain. But now McCain is the projected loser in Pennsylvania, although called the winner in Oklahoma, Kentucky, Alabama, South Carolina, and Tennesee.

And now they're projecting Elizabeth Dole as a loser in her election race. Can you believe that? No more Liddy Dole! The horror.

Some grumbles in the blogger room about NPR projecting Pennsylvania way too early for Obama. No other news organization is making that call ... except ... Al Jezeera (credit to someone at the big blogger table -- didn't see who). Very funny.

Can hear cheers in the background of the current NPR broadcaster. Seems like a lot of people are psyched about those early calls for Obama. About 170 electoral college votes. Obama is almost half way there.

Colorado polls are still open apparently. NPR is broadcasting from a McCain support center. The lady says they are still calling people to get out the vote. So if you're a voter in Colorado and you still haven't voted....what in the world are you waiting for?

Appx 8:30 p.m. - Whew! NPR is no longer out on limb projecting PA for Obama. MSNBC and CBS News are now on board. If these folks are correct, it's a very big loss for John McCain.

Appx 8:50 p.m. - Obama-Biden headquarters are starting to heat up with excited supporters. John Dickerson reports from Chicago that there are six spotlights pointed to the sky, "presumably preparing for Obama's ascent to heaven." Can't tell if he's a supporter or detractor. Actually, I think I recall his earlier broadcast of a vote for Obama, but don't hold me to that.

Projected 80% turnout for voting. Hmph! I thought it would be way higher.

Now projecting Michigan, New York, Rhode Island, Minnesota and Wisconsin for Obama, North Dakota and Wyoming for McCain.

Appx 9:10 p.m. - Washington Post has a nice stream. They're refusing to call PA for Obama, probably out of an abundance of caution. Their team of pundits are now saying that the only way for McCain to hold on is to win all the red states for Bush in the last election plus a swing state. That's a lot to live up to, even for McCain. I don't think he can pull it off. It's 9:10 p.m. and I'm calling this election for Obama.

You heard it here first.

Georgia called for McCain. Big swath of red in the south. And now there's some red states showing on top of the map as well. Wyoming and North Dakota for McCain. There must be some kind of correlation between the people living in those big country states and the south. Far be it from me to suggest the commonalities. I'll leave that to you to figure out.

Appx 9:25 - The camera guys are here. Popping pictures all over the place. Maybe I'll download some and post here.

In the meantime, even The Washington Post has called PA for Obama. And NPR is calling Ohio for Obama. Richard Cohen from The Washington Post says this election is a vindication for Lyndon Johnson. Who would have ever thought the civil rights movement would forever go down in history as his baby.... Surely not Martin Luther King.

Appx 9:40 p.m. We're having an amazing round table discussion about the election and what a historic Obama-Biden victory will mean. Phrases like "fruition of a dream cut short in the late 1960s," "Americans voting for President based on the country they want to live in," "wanting a President who's smarter than me," and "Conservative voters hijacking the Republican party" are piquing my interest in another video. Still waiting for the NPR Studios composite to load. But if my computer speeds up, I may be able to post a video capturing the spirit of an impending Obama victory.

10:55 p.m. - Washington Post put Louisiana in McCain's column. Big duh.

10:10 p.m. - New Mexico called for Obama. After almost an hour of downloading 22 minutes of the NPR studio tour, the program malfunctioned. Can you believe that? No? Neither can I.

Eh, not much going on here really. A few bloggers have left, a sizeable amount are on break. Pundits reduced to how John McCain will save face and maintain his reputation.

More on the "I can't believe that just happened" front - while I was out at the buffet, I heard an NPR program where they were discussing our round table "fruition of a dream" discussion. Coincidence? I think not.

10:45 p.m. - Just wrapped my video with Terrance Heath - an in depth discussion about race and religion and recreation of our round table discussion. Good stuff!

Virginia just called for Obama. Hoo-ah!

10:55 p.m. - Colorado called for Obama by The Washington Post, but NPR is still staying neutral. Big shocker of the night - Virginia called for Obama and North Carolina still too close to call. And talk about Florida... 83% precincts reporting with 49% for McCain and 51% for Obama. Looks like tonight's story will be Virginia and Ohio. And "as Ohio goes, so goes the nation..."

11:00 p.m. CNN calls the election for Obama! California tipped the election. You're witnessing history!

11:45 p.m. Computer froze. But I'm back. Have some great photos of the blogger room. Here's the scene during McCain's concession speech.








11:50 p.m. Barack Obama is expected to speak at the top of the hour. Just checked my email. A bunch of links from the other NPR live bloggers. Check out their articles:

writeslikeshetalks
Matador Pulse
siteview
arstechnia

Okay - Obama has taken the stage in Chicago. I need to hear this.

Nov. 5th 12:15 a.m. Obama just wrapped his speech. Hurrying to upload on YouTube. NPR wants to pack up and go home.

12:35 a.m. - Last video of the night. Yes we can! Thanks, NPR.

Over and out.

What Was I Talking About, Should I Pause?

We took the day off and went to Manhattan. Give my regards to Broadway. Updates later today. Toodles.

Silly Haikus With Slice of Celebrity Gossip

Every now and then, a circuit trips. A glitch in the well-oiled machine. We interrupt this celebrity politics blog for a quick trip to the gas pump and massive replenishing of the wallet. In the meantime, enjoy my mental breakdown.

Good gawd, look at you
Somebody finally snapped
Blue is your color

No idea whether this facockte shockwave will load in your browser. Thrown in for good measure. Cheers!

Hey girlfriend, you rock
Kiss kiss. Paris sends regrets
That's so yesterday




Let the Sunshine in
Oh wait, she walked out the door
You can still save face



Sadly, after three years of dating and less than eight weeks of marriage, SNL alum Chris Kattan and model Sunshine Tutt are on a hard break. Can they find a way back to happily ever after? Guess it's back to the salt mines.

Costner and Grammar Allegedly Pilfered 'Swing Vote' Outside Three Mile Zone

Looking for all the hot "celebrity justice" stories? Well, keep on surfing.

We can barely get the jump on behemoth TMZ.com. Yesterday, all the gavel bangers worth knocking about literally flooded their homepage, including the gruesome knifing of an ex-girlfriend by some bit player in The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Lately, before I can catch a whiff of any celebrity mauling, assault, DUI, carjacking, civil suit, you name it, TMZ has already left the building. It's gotten so bad, I'm beginning to wonder whether this tiny division of celebrity politics is worth my time.

But then news of a copyright infringement suit against Kelsey Grammar, Kevin Costner, Jason Richman, The Walt Disney Company, Walt Disney Pictures, and Touchstone Pictures, et al. wafts my way and once again, all is right with the world.

Not for the muckety-mucks, natch. I'm just giddy over finding a lawsuit that isn't spread-eagle on the TMZ homepage.

Bradley Blakeman, a former aide to President Bush, claims he gave Grammar a screenplay entitled Go November. Somehow, Kevin Costner and his daughter stole elements of said screenplay to create their latest release, Swing Vote.

I don't know how Blakeman intends to show his screenplay's chain of command from Grammar to Costner, but you can't blame a guy for trying. I'd be outraged too if bits and pieces of this blog ended up on another website packaged as something slightly different (yet oh so familiar) and ... oh ... well ...

Never mind.

[Scum sucking Source]

Twitter Unveils Rival Search Engine

Oh wow. Have you seen the new Twitter Search?It's freak'n awesome!

Not just saying this because Moani populates the Twitterverse neither. We can now search tweets on any subject we please whenever and wherever we please. You don't have to Twitter to search. Go on. Give it a try.

If no one's tweeting your search, it ain't worth blogging.

Catchy tagline on the house, natch. No need for kudos.

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off

Sometimes I feel like I'm completely insane.

Articles posted at 4:00 a.m. Kids needing to be packed for camp. Letters for more important matters languishing in the computer. Phone calls waiting to be made. R.S.V.P.s still missing in action as deadlines for celebrations approach. Gifts that have yet to be purchased. Library books way overdue. Freelance articles promised but not delivered.

Did I mention the piles of laundry and dishes stacked like building blocks in the sink?

And yet, through it all, I edited a video for YouTube. I started my day off productive, I swear. Don't know how I became so distracted.

Oh well, time to start all over again.

Spewker Comments Like Closet Ditto Head

Hot darn, really love it when people leave comments on this blog! It's like, I know they're out there reading The Spewker (vee haf ways of tracking dees tings), but for some reason, they're hesitant to tell the world at large.

A perfect example is when we gave out free T-shirts for leaving comments at the end of our smack down against Omarosa Manigsworth Stallwell, whoever the freak that non-celebrity is. I'm not even going to bother looking up the correct spelling or pronunciation of that 15-minute hog's last name. She should shimmy back to wherever she came from because there isn't an iota of talent in her body or a shred of anything entertaining in her persona.

The point is, plenty of people tuned in to that Celebrity Apprentice article, a link from a Moan Quivers Twitter live blog, but none were willing to comment in the fifteen or twenty minute window of time to win a free T-shirt. A very nice T-shirt too, I might add, with a great logo on thick 50-50 comfy white. No, I take that back. Five people finally did comment, but only three left an email address. Of that three, only one responded with an address to send the T-shirt.

For the record, "purplefrogcat" was the only comment published (who didn't win because five other people had commented by then) just in case contestants linked their names to actual email addresses. Didn't want them risking getting spammed for a lousy T-shirt and always keep my promises.

From that experience, I concluded people are somewhat strange when it comes to having a dialogue with this blog. Tiptoe in, tiptoe out. Like if readers leave no trace of themselves, no one will know they've been lurking about.

That kind of behavior reminds me of the time I spoke to Rush Limbaugh on his Open Line Friday program,. Say what you will about the man - plenty of my friends do - but his is a voice to be reckoned with in our times. You can't have an informed opinion unless you're hearing news from all different sources. Sorry, but that's the sad state of journalism today. Rush tells it the way he sees it, making his opinion and the opinions of his listeners valuable commodities. I hardly ever agree with him, especially these days regarding oil, the election, etc., but that's neither here nor there.

It was my birthday, about two years ago, on a Friday afternoon. Don't ask why I was cooking in the kitchen listening to Rush Limbaugh on my birthday. Something told me to call in when a certain caller hung up, so when the phone actually rang, my heart started to pound and my head began to race. I wanted to discuss an issue that had come up in an earlier program, but his screener (Snerdly?) said plenty of other people had already called about that topic and didn't sound very enthusiastic about putting me through.

Quickly, I had to think of something else or risk being dropped me for the next call. This goes against the premise of Open Line Friday's format, but I wasn't about to argue with the guy or take no for an answer.

For lack of a better subject -- and being unable to think fast on my feet -- I asked for a better understanding of Rush's position on abortion. After all, Republicans are always spewing about less government, less government interference, less control over what we do as individuals. Isn't the Conservative stance on abortion antithetical to that line of thinking?

Bingo! He put me through. What happened during the course of that phone call is fodder for a different discussion. I'm getting way off track here and want to get back to the topic at hand, comments on this blog, but there is an analogy if you give me time to develop it.

I was a little star struck speaking to Rush, I'll admit that. Here was someone whose opinion I had listened to, whose take on the news entertained and amused me, whose Paul Shanklin parodies sometimes had me LMAO day in and day out for years, finally having a one on one conversation with me. Not being a Conservative myself, I didn't want to antagonize him, but I didn't want to compromise my own political integrity either.

One of the first things I said was that I was a registered Democrat who listened to his program all the time, but that I wasn't a ditto head. I was trying to convey being a fan - a big one - but being at odds with his ideology. Not exactly an endearing opening which in retrospect I would not repeat given a do over. I'll never forget his response, nor the way he said it, like a retort, lording and condescending ... understandable if you know anything about Limbaugh.

To paraphrase, "Well, Cheryl, if you listen to the program as much as you say you do, you already are a ditto head." Ooooo. Snap.

And so, dear readers, if you subscribe to this blog through our feed or just drop by from time to time, whether or not you leave comments is irrelevant. Your electronic footprints may not be showing to the blogosphere, but they're showing to me. I've been very pleased with our growth over the course of the past year.

You may not comment because you're not ready to wave that freak flag, the one labeling you as a fan of The Spewker, but that's okay. Just because you don't consider yourself a spewklet doesn't mean you're not one already.

Kind of like being a closet ditto head, whatever that means. I'd like to think it means I'm a fan of Rush Limbaugh, rather than its common understanding.

You, on the other hand, can craft a meaning for "spewklet" however you like.

The Video Software Ate My Homework

Honestly, I spent my entire Sunday trying to create a 10 minute video with some new fangled computer program I picked up at Best Buy. Every time I thought I had the hang of it, something else crunked out. Maybe the technology gods will take pity on my poor decrepit soul.

This situation reminds me of those shiny pearls of wisdom from kinky-haired Roseanne Rosanna Dana, aka the late great Gilda Radner of SNL fame who was better known for getting something stuck between her teeth than dispensing good advice.

"It just goes to show. It's always something."

In light of the late hour or early morning, whichever floats your boat, today's articles will have a slightly different format. Short, sweet, and to the point. Some may succinctly say it all with just a glance and a wink.

And who knows, you may like it. If so, spread the word. This could turn into a regular Monday occurrence.

Happy Birthday Dear Spewker

Giving myself a small pat on the back because The Spewker is officially a year old. Yay! For about two hundred some days of the last three hundred sixty-five (oh, whatever), I have managed not only to find worthwhile material, but also blog about it. For someone like me that's huge.

What do I mean someone like me? Well, I'm not exactly prolific, in case you didn't notice. I just like to follow controversial stuff and mouth off about it.

I gotta be me. Just like you gotta be you. We all gotta be somebody. My somebody just happens to be an attention craving opinionated street urchin seeking to reinvent herself after wallowing away in a life sucking profession with no socially redeeming value. Not the most endearing combination of characteristics, but nothing to apologize about either. If it helps me carve out a niche in the blogosphere, so be it.

Of course, the challenge of discovering how the person who is me can most creatively entertain the ubiquitous masses who are you is not such a simple task. The many facets of me - mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, freelancer - leave very little time for much else, let alone engaging blogging.

The way I look at it, anyone who knows how to work a computer can blog. Only by developing an ongoing two-way interaction can a blogger consider themselves a success. Obviously, I'm not quite there, but I feel like I'm in the vicinity

And just in case The Spewker's appearance for the past two weeks has anybody wondering, I'm not ready to throw in the towel. Far from it. In fact, I may just be hitting my stride.

Clooney Larson Dirt on the Fly

The return trip from L.A. was difficult.

Not because of the turbulence or the fifty minute layover in Philly. Not because we left our el Lay hosts at 8:45 a.m. and didn't deplane at BWI until 10:00 p.m. Not even because of the change in weather, which after nothing but blue skies and sunshine made the light spring sprinkling a welcome respite.

No, the difficulty had more to do with leaving a carefree life of celebrity-like luxury and returning to a ho-hum lackadaisical existence of every day reality, if you catch my drift.

For a blogger like me, the fantasy of catching celebs on the fly was pretty exhilarating. I'm not a news maker by any means, but still managed to catch a tidbit here and there.

For instance, while hanging out on Rodeo Drive I talked up a security guard who became rather chatty. Turns out he had spotted a party for George Clooney within the past few months, one involving an appearance by Charlie Sheen. Of course I was more interested in the Clooney-Larson break up. The guard confirmed Sarah had been pressuring George for an engagement. "George is a man" is the expression he used, meaning a man who wants to stay single will stand his ground against anyone, even the perfect female compliment as I have heard Sarah described. She's been going around portraying George as a lout, but the guard thinks he kicked her out before she could concoct a scheme to get pregnant. At least that's the word on the tony streets of Beverly Hills.

Can't dig up this kind of dirt in Baltimore, hon.

Yeah, so, that's why I'm now struggling to regain my bearings. Reduced to just another blip competing with over 70 million blogs for breaking news, if you believe this video.

Now when my mother-in-law asks me about my "pom" I won't have to explain for the umpteenth time about blogs and how they operate. I'll just email this link. Dear thing, has no idea why they call it a blog, nor why I bother to pen one. How's that for a confidence builder?

Puzzling "John Muller" Gossip Tip

Maybe because I'm so green, I don't know how to interpret a gossip tip cloaked as comment punted here at 5:54 a.m. this morning. Around the same time, I finally lapsed into a two hour coma before shuffling the kids off to school and taking the eldest in for out-patient surgery (LOL - in for out - hahahahaha).

I'm so glad I enabled comment moderation. Otherwise, right about now, I'd be completely flabbergasted and flummoxed.

Purportedly, none other than John Muller, dashing co-anchor of New York's CW11 Morning News, is so digging the spew, he's posting whole articles in my comments section, including links to original sources, no less.

Is this some kind of elaborate punk'd? Payback for wee hour spew skewering blogger fraud? Somebody out there messing with my head, trying to get one over on the Baltimoron? 'Cause if so, I'm not laughing over here.

On the other hand, please don't stop sending the gossip tips. Although they won't be published, they're juicy fabulous. Thanks for the heads-up.

I think I love you.

Poorly Written Blog Like a Popular Dumb Blond Chick

Mad? You bet I'm mad. I'm so freak'n angry my eyeballs are starting to bug.

Technology, politics, and celebrities. Everybody's got something to say. Everybody wants to be the next high-ranking blog. Everybody wants their share of the pie. And yet, only a handful of really good, authoritative, consistently entertaining reads actually make it to the top.

Lord knows The Spewker is pock-marked with its share of warts and wrinkles. Ragging other people's work is not my typical style. But today I found something so blatantly awful, I could not look away. In my frozen horror, I vowed to skewer this pathetic excuse for a blog, its obvious desire to cash-in on the celebrity blogging phenomenon so appalling and simultaneously disheartening, someone had to take a stand.

I can't bring myself to publish the name or URL, but I will publicize the page I landed upon after searching Google for "Mariah Carey prenup." I am irked to no end seeing something so incredibly useless grab a front page result. Yes, the design is elegant and simple, a nice tidy package for roaming bots, but where's the justice in that?

It's like the nice but nerdy, brilliant Plain Jane sitting alone at the lunch table fixated on a gaggle of hot boys buzzing around bubble-headed shallow cheerleaders as she chokes down a sandwich and silently prays for the bell. Plain Jane tells herself she'll get the last laugh because she'll end up far more successful than those clods, but who really knows what will come to pass in the future, and besides, no one has asked her to the prom.

It's time someone dumped a tray on this monstrosity.

For anyone who can't read the actual excerpt of "Mariah Carey Gets Married...Without A Prenup," here's the verbatim article,

Nick Cannon’s kinsfolk has addicted he has mated Mariah Carey.

'Yes, we know. He titled us and told us every most it.'

'We are bright for him. If that is what he wants, then we are bright for him. I’m not feat to provide you some details, but we are bright for him.'

A maker near to Mariah said she mated without a pre-nup, because 'there wasn’t time.'
'They hit been affected with apiece another for days, weeks. And she’s ever had a modify on him.'

Now, maybe this translation software or whatever they have going on here works fine when the story is, oh say, two sentences long. But when quotes from real life people come into play, or the story runs for an entire paragraph...this kind of blogging blows.

Not just for people like me searching for well-placed links to beef up their own articles, but for people who, in fact, search to read about this stuff! Why Google -- behemoth that it is -- can't invent some kind of algorithm to combat blatant blogging fraud like this and beat it down with a stick, I'll never know.

Makes me liken the Google bot to a dumb jock on steroids artificially inflating the popularity of an even dumber hot blond chick just because she smells good and hooks up. It's tawdry, cheap, and even makes a Plain Jane want to act like a tart.

Et tu, Google?

Live Blogging Blues

5:57 p.m. Okay, okay. I know the live blogging isn't quite up to snuff. Four reasons:

One: The Renaissance D.C. Hotel. I must have lost my Internet connection at least four times in the middle of posting. Some areas are more conducive to live blogging than others. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be in any of the seminar rooms.

Two: Whenever I put my PC into hibernate mode, my Internet connection dies. Thank goodness for blogger - it saves my drafts automatically. Otherwise, there would be very little to read. There's only so much time in a day to take out my computer, blog, then go through the steps of repairing my Internet connection.

Three: My PC's internal power stinks. About an hour of stored power and then it runs out. Basically, this means I must be plugged into an outlet to blog, not the easiest requirement to navigate for a live blogger.

Four: I'm green. I admit it. This is my trial by fire. I've been trying to keep up, but honestly, with all of my technological limitations, including my inability to upload the digital pictures I took this morning, I'm kind of at a disadvantage.

Lessons learned. On the other hand, I have made some exciting contacts here at the conference. I plan to make up for all my foibles, including a summary of the seminar I did in fact attend, right after the networking cocktail party. Which according to my calculations starts in three minutes. Cheers!

Live Blogging George Washington University's 2008 Politics Online Conference

Don't tell me I'm in over my head. Trial by fire is the choicest way to go down in flames.

Beginning approximately 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning and continuing through Wednesday afternoon, I'll be flailing about the D.C. Renaissance live blogging the 2008 Politics Online Conference. Not the arm flapping variety, mind you, more the "how do I get this high profile person to give me the time of day" type of flailing.

Oh, it will be dicey, that much is certain. After all, I'm a virtual newcomer, barely on the scene six months, and already trying to run with the bulls...uh...blog with the big leagues. Sorry. Bad metaphor. Apologies to muckety-mucks too full of themselves to appreciate boorish comparisons.

Pun intended. I'm on a roll.

Julie Barko Germany, the symposium's go-to-gal, recently became George Washington University's Director for the Institute for Politics and Democracy & the Internet (IPDI), yes, THE GW University, the department running this program. For its fifteenth annual installment, the theme might be summarized as "Political Impact of New Media," something right up my alley which, living so close to the nation's capital, I felt compelled to live blog. Thankfully, the organizers relented.

Being somewhat green may seem like a liability, but in this case I think it may work to my advantage. Due to the intellectual nature of the conference and scheduled panel participants, a snarky perspective could be in short supply. Consider the millions of people with a political bent who don't want to exercise their brain cells, or worse, have none to exercise. Such readers can't be bothered with a hoity toity analysis, unless we're talking Golden Dots.

For those people and anyone else wanting to laugh at a newbie, visit The Spewker tomorrow and Wednesday for a nuts and bolts blow-by-blow of the conference even a two-year old could comprehend. Well, not just any two-year old. Only Will Ferrell's scary potty mouth for which parental guidance is suggested two-year old.

Yes! I finally found a way to reference the video without looking Johnny-come-lately.

The 2008 Politics Online Conference will be held March 4th and 5th at the Renaissance Washington, D.C. Hotel, 999 9th Street, N.W.

Teaser Announces End of Darkness

OMG. I'm back. Does anyone care?

I'm a tad peeved at myself, if you want to know the truth. I had all these grandiose plans to reorganize the blog, get rid of certain categories, and develop new features, but here it is February 4th and everything's still the same. Guess I bit off a bit more than I could chew, peeples. Bear with me just a little longer?

Okay, Grease is playing on HBO as I type this and I still cannot get over how hot John Travolta looks tapping away in pink. Why doesn't someone like him turn up on Dancing With The Stars? Man, old Edna Turnblad really had tight junk in his day. I just can't figure out how the entire shape of his head changed in twenty-five years. I mean, it's one thing to get old, another to get old and fat, and quite another to end up with a different shaped head, don't you think?

Anyhoo, the reason the blog didn't make as much progress as I thought is because I took a freelance job and then the whole family packed up and went on vacation. To another country. With expensive wireless. That we couldn't afford. It was all I could do to keep up with the job, let alone e-mail and let's just say I didn't do so well with that either. With over five hundred messages in my inbox, I'm thinking of doing a Cathy. That's right, a bulk dump. Man, am I tempted.

If anyone out there sent me an e-mail and you haven't heard back from me by now, chances are you won't. I know that's bad netiquette, but strangely, I no longer consider that at the top of my priority list.

Okay, at least one of the changes around here goes into effect today. Yes, this post is lame, I know. It's really for my own amusement anyway as I know hardly anyone actually reads these articles. A teaser article of more to come. New format means more articles, less words, and more focus on celebrity politics. Check back later today to see it in the flesh...in the type...in the...whatever.

Heh heh. Danny's trying to feel up Sandy. "Oh, Sandy!" Gotta go.

The Spewker is Going Dark Until February 4, 2008

This is the last article on The Spewker until February 4, 2008. If you could see my house, you'd know why.

The dishes are no longer simply piling up in the sink. This morning I saw creepy little bugs crawling around the dish drainer. And the laundry! Don't get me started on the laundry. There's always another pile that needs sorting and washing. Maybe I could see the light of day if the children would hang up all the clothes they pull from their closets and reject. But since they're too lazy to put clean clothes back on the hangers, and since they clean up their rooms by stuffing all the clothes scattered across their floors in their laundry baskets, I think I'd better start getting used to the dark.

Mind you, I would hang the darn clothes up myself if they didn't stew with the stanky stuff for umpteen days. Their laundry baskets are filled with gym socks, underwear, and moldy looking junk I can't decipher. I'd beat the kids silly and take away their cell phones if I thought it would change their scuzzy hygiene habits. Where did they learn such infuriatingly disgusting habits, I wonder. Oh. Right. Our house. Never mind.

I'm also starting to have nightmares about the inch and a half of dust building up on the heating baseboards. Is something like that bad for one's health? I know. I know. I should hire a cleaning service. Well, good services are hard to find. The last one I had drove me to drink. Constant new personnel, interminable lateness, and couldn't care less attitudes. I kissed them goodbye without so much as a whimper.

Ah, navel gazing. Thrilling for the writer to unload, boring for readers to view. I'll bet half the people who started this article surfed to something else after my diatribe against the children. Were you one of them?

Oh, crimey, you couldn't be one of them if you made it this far, now could you? I don't know what's more stupid, me asking a question like that or someone responding to it.

Mona is now nudging me saying this article is truly starting to sound weird. "If you don't stop," she's warning me, "we're going to lose a lot of subscribers." Moan has a tendency to be right about such things, so I suppose I will stop. If I've offended anyone, I sincerely apologize and beg forgiveness. It worked for Gene Simmons with The Donald, right?

A few random thoughts before I sign off for the rest of this month.

Conservative talk radio blows. No, I mean it. It didn't before, but now it does. It's like all the conservative talk show hosts have bandied together and decided the only Republican candidates that make sense to them are Romney and Thompson. Maybe, maybe Giuliani if he would just get out there and campaign in the early primary states. The votes of little states don't seem to figure into Rudy's political strategy, or so they say. Not wanting to look positively thick, the conservatrons are barely mentioning his name. Rudy is not out of this race, fellahs, remember that!

Also, I'm getting fed up hearing every single one of them say, "I still think Hillary is going to become the nominee, even though I don't want her to become the nominee, I really think she's going to get the nomination." Those blithering idiots! If they really didn't want Billary to become the nominee, none of them would be saying that. Every single one of them would be too scared to come out with such a prediction for fear of being wrong. They're only repeating the Billary mantra because they want the Democrats to nominate her. They know she can't win against any of the Republicans and that's a fact.

Believe it or not, and I say this most sincerely, Obama at least has a shot at becoming our next president. He's likeable, his sound bites are right, and he plays to his own party. Hardly any Dem is going to jump ship if Obama becomes the nominee. That's exactly what the conservative talk show hosts are afraid of, mark my words.

Moving on. The presidential election. I've decided to stop blogging about it. My thoughts about the election and the candidates are pissing too many people off, probably because I'm such a moderate. I don't understand where these people are coming from. My legal training allows me to see both sides of a controversy without becoming emotionally invested. Not so for the majority of people I've met on the Internet. Either I agree with them and align myself with their point of view, or they target me as the enemy. Divisive politics is counterproductive, antithetical to my inherent nature as a people person, and not worth the animosity it engenders. I'm tempted to remove all the "political commentary" articles from the topix list in this blog, but that would be capitulating to the bullies. One thing about yours truly, I don't back down on issues I truly believe in and care about.

In fact, I care so passionately about these issues -- *sniff* *sniff* -- I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing if I didn't *sniff* *sniff* care about these things so very passionately. I'm only trying *sniff* *sniff* to help *sniffle* the American people (smattering of water in the eyes) when I blog about political issues *sniff* because I care so unbelievably passionately (clearing throat) and want to make the world a better place for the children, the dear precious children, bless their tiny little hearts and souls.

Finally, social media. It's huge, very powerful and impressive. Each day I become more emersed in it, I am energized by a newfound ability to reach people from all walks of life and nationalities. I don't have to actually meet these people. I only have to somehow connect with them. When I do I feel the same way as if we had connected at a bar or a convention. Sometimes such chance encounters become lasting friendships. I'm debating whether to post articles about social media when I return. They wouldn't be research or anything intellectual, just my own thoughts and impressions. If anyone is still reading this article, let me know what you think about social media and whether you think it may compliment the existing "American media" category here at The Spewker.

Thank you, whoever is left, for your interest, time, and patience. Please subscribe or bookmark this site and return on February 4th. You won't regret making the commitment, I promise.

Update: 2.25.08 The 2008 presidential election has been way too exciting to ignore. Despite my best efforts, I continue to blog about it. If the articles piss people off, so be it. At the end of the day, I have to be true to myself. Besides, I'm a believer in the cliche, if you build it they will come. There's a place for a political moderate on the Internet. The Spewker should be a place similarly minded people can call home.